Amare Leporum
by LadyClassical
Summary: When Snape can't find a date for the Yule Ball, he puts a spell called a Romance Charm on a new teacher. Just for that one night...but to his shock, his date declares that they must be married, igniting an unpredictable chain of events which just might end up with Snape finding true love, no spells needed...but not the way he expected! (GOF AU, SnapexOC, SiriusxOC, Hinny, Romione)
1. Question

Christmas was approaching for Harry Potter's fourth year at Hogwarts, and so was the Yule Ball. It was all anybody could talk about—including the teachers, sometimes. Normally, Professor Snape wouldn't want anything to do with something like this, but there was one factor this year that changed everything. And one morning, a few days before Christmas, it couldn't have been clearer for him.

Snape was sitting near the other Heads of House, but his black eyes were focused on the new History of Magic teacher, Professor Lucy Marsh, a.k.a. the reason boys finally paid attention in that class. She had been an Auror before coming to teach at the school to teach, and as a former Ravenclaw, she was plenty smart. She was best friends with Professor Flitwick (eagles have to stick together, after all), but she found Snape a little creepy.

Some of the teachers already had dates—Flitwick was going with Sprout, McGonagall with Dumbledore, Mad-Eye with Grubbly-Plank. Snape didn't have a date, though, and he wanted to ask Professor Marsh.

…

Meanwhile, Harry, Ron, Hermione and Ginny were sitting together at the Gryffindor table, watching the teachers. Everyone could see Snape watching Professor Marsh.

"I bet you Snape's going to ask Professor Marsh to the Yule Ball," said Ginny.

"Of _course_ he is," said Hermione. "But I don't think she'll say yes."

"Who are you going to ask, Harry?" Ginny asked, and grinned.

"You," said Harry, giving her a kiss on the cheek. The two of them had been going out from the beginning of fourth year. Ginny was happy Harry was taking her, because otherwise she wouldn't get to go. Ron was taking Hermione, because they were dating too.

"Once she turns him down, I bet he'll take it out on us students," Ron continued.

"Let's hope she doesn't, then." Ginny shrugged.

…

The next day, Snape caught Professor Marsh on her way to lunch in the Great Hall. She turned around, her deep blue eyes full of curiosity.

"What is it, Professor Snape?" she asked, one eyebrow raised.

"I-I…" Snape leaned down and put his hands on his knees to catch his breath. "Would you…would you like to go to the Yule Ball with me?"

Professor Marsh pursed her lips and looked down. She let out a deep sigh, then said, "I…I never knew you felt that way about me."

"Well, I do, and it's time I did something about it," Snape told her. "Would you like to be my date?"

"I'm sorry, Severus, I really am," said Professor Marsh, not looking in his direction. "But I think it would be best if we just stayed friends. Do you know what I mean?"

"No," said Snape, because he very well knew they weren't friends. Why did he even bother? Professor Marsh thought he was creepy—like an overgrown bat, as Quirrell had put it…

"I'm sorry," Professor Marsh whispered, and with a swish of blue witch's robes, she was gone.


	2. Vrack the Violent vs Nargl the Nosy

The next afternoon, Harry and his two best friends were chatting casually about—what else?—the Yule Ball on their way to History of Magic class. As they approached the classroom, Harry and Ron no longer felt the dread they had experienced while Professor Binns was the teacher. It wasn't just that they both kind of had little crushes on Professor Marsh—she also made the class fun.

When they opened the door, most of the students were already there. Professor Marsh was sitting behind her desk, shuffling papers absentmindedly. Something told them that Snape had asked her…and she had rejected him. After all, he _had_ looked even surlier than usual at breakfast that morning.

"She doesn't have to go with anyone she doesn't like, but she should probably find a date for this thing soon," Hermione was saying. "She's going to feel so left out."

"Well, who's she going to go with? Flitwick?" said Ron.

"They're just friends," said Harry.

"Maybe she can go solo," Hermione said. "I mean, it's not against the law. It's not like we're _required_ to bring dates."

"I am," Harry reminded her. "It works out, though, because Ginny wouldn't be able to go at all otherwise."

"All right, everyone, listen up," Professor Marsh said brightly, cutting their conversation short. She tucked one strand of shoulder-length blonde hair behind her ear and smiled. "Today we're going to be studying giant wars."

The class groaned collectively, remembering what it was like to listen to Professor Binns tell them about it.

"But!" Professor Marsh winked. "First I will need two volunteers."

"Um, I'll be a volunteer," said Harry, raising his hand.

"Me too," said Ron, probably only because Harry was doing it.

"Wonderful," said Professor Marsh, and she handed each of them a Styrofoam club. "Harry, you'll be Vrack the Violent; Ron, you'll be Nargl the Nosy. Now duel, just as the giants would have done!"

Harry and Ron had fun hitting each other with the Styrofoam clubs, and the whole class was laughing, even Hermione. When class was over, their assignment was one roll of parchment on giant wars, to be handed in within a week. Everyone was in a good mood when they left class.

"Thank God," said Ron, "for Professor Marsh."


	3. Amare Leporum

As soon as classes had let out for the day, and Snape had finished terrifying a fresh batch of first years, he retreated to his office in the dungeons again. More people was going to ask Professor Marsh, he knew, and it was only a matter of time until she said yes to someone. But he couldn't stand the thought of her in someone else's arms. This wasn't the first time he had been hurt in love, and he wasn't going to let it happen again.

Would it be worth it to give her a Love Potion? After all, he _was_ the Potions Master…and, of course, that meant that if she suddenly agreed to go with him, everyone would assume he'd slipped her a Love Potion. Besides, it would wear off after a few days, and Snape wanted something permanent.

The Imperius Curse? No, not even Snape could bring himself to do that. Besides, Professor Marsh had been an Auror, so she'd have no trouble resisting…and Snape didn't feel like going to Azkaban just because he couldn't find a date for the Yule Ball…

So he couldn't use a Love Potion, he certainly couldn't Imperius her, and he couldn't seduce her using his natural charm…

 _Charm! That's it!_

Snape couldn't believe he had forgotten all about the Romance Charm. It wasn't illegal, it didn't wear off, and there were only three ways it could be broken—if the caster of the spell died, if the caster lifted the spell, or if the victim saw her true love's face (in person only). Snape didn't think this would be an issue, though, because as far as he knew, Professor Marsh had no true love. She certainly hadn't mentioned any boyfriends or flames. Still, though…

Snape sighed. It would be wrong, he knew, to manipulate Professor Marsh this way. But all he wanted was a date! After much internal debate, he decided that he would cast the Romance Charm on her now, but lift the spell once the Yule Ball was over. It wouldn't hurt anyone. She would remember none of it, of course, and he would have her for the night. Fleeting, but he'd make it meaningful.

Shaking his head, Snape grabbed a bag of Floo powder off his desk and tossed it into his fire, then said out loud, "Lucy's office". Then, he had a clear view.

Professor Marsh was sitting on her desk, talking to a house-elf wearing an odd assortment of clothes. The elf had big ears, like bats' wings, and even bigger eyes; he was listening sympathetically to what Professor Marsh was telling him. To Snape's surprise, she sounded tearful.

"B-But I never believed it, Dobby," she was saying, her voice trembling. "And it would've…it would've been so perfect…if none of it had ever happened…there was foul play somewhere, I just know it!"

Professor Marsh conjured a tissue and blew her nose.

"Dobby believes Professor Marsh," Dobby said earnestly.

"Call me Lucy, please, Dobby," she said miserably. "The Yule Ball just would've been so much better…It's just, y'know, I wasn't an Auror back then, I was barely out of my teens, I should've done something but I didn't know, I didn't know! I just let it happen and I regret it every day!"

She burst into tears.

Snape didn't know what to do. How could he interrupt Professor Marsh's sob-fest? And what on Earth was she crying about, anyway? From her words, it sounded like she was talking about the first Great Wizarding War. But what was it that she never believed? And what would have been perfect? When she said "none of it", he assumed she was talking about Voldemort's reign of power…Professor Marsh had become an Auror after the Dark Lord's downfall, probably because she wanted to prevent him from rising ever again—sort of like how Snape had left the Dark Side after the same Dark Lord had killed the woman he loved. But what did Professor Marsh mean by "foul play"? And what was this horrible thing that she had let happen…but should have tried to prevent?

 _It doesn't matter_ , Snape told himself harshly. _Whatever it is, it obviously happened a long time ago, and she should forget about it. First I have to get rid of that house-elf, though._

Snape stepped through the fire and entered her office.

"Um, hello, Professor Marsh," he said uncomfortably, knowing it would probably be rude to ask her what she'd been crying about. "Are…are you all right?"

"Yes," she told him, sniffing. She looked up at him; her deep blue eyes were still swimming with tears, making her mascara run. Snape wanted to wipe her tears away like they do in the movies, but he was afraid she would not want it.

"Good," he said, shuffling his feet. "Dobby, will you please leave?"

Dobby was scared of Snape, so he bolted from the room right away.

"What are you here for, Professor Snape?" Professor Marsh asked, looking suspicious as well as sad.

"Well, um, I think I may have found you a date," said Snape nervously; after all, it wasn't a lie.

"I don't want a date." Professor Marsh's voice trembled again, and Snape felt the blood rushing to his face, since he didn't want her to cry again.

"Look, he's right there at the door," said Snape, pointing at the door with his wand.

"What?" Professor Marsh looked surprised. But as soon as she turned her back—

" _Amare Leporum!"_ Snape bellowed, hitting her square in the back with a flash of red light. Her blue eyes went wide for a split second—then she collapsed onto the floor, out like a light. Snape approached her cautiously.

Finally, he worked up the nerve to pull her to a standing position. Her shoulder-length blonde hair was a little messed-up, and her eyes were closed. She had a death grip on Snape's arms. Luckily, there was some Floo powder in Professor Marsh's office as well; Snape used it to return to his office, and as soon as they got there, he helped her into a chair. Finally, he conjured up a glass of water, and let a bit of it trickle onto her face, hopefully bringing her back to consciousness. After what felt like hours of waiting, Snape saw Professor Marsh's blue eyes open.

"Severus," she whispered. Snape was shocked, as she rarely called him by his first name.

"W-What?" he asked.

"Why have I never noticed how…how handsome you are?" Professor Marsh lowered her voice and stood up, stroking Snape's cheek. So the Romance Charm had worked!

"Does that mean you've changed your answer to my question?" Snape asked tentatively. "About the Yule Ball, I mean?"

"Oh, of course," she cooed. "Who else would I rather go with?"

"That means so much to me, Professor Marsh," he told her, giving her a kiss on the cheek. To his delight, she did not pull away.

"Please…" She grinned seductively. "Call me Lucy."


	4. Suspicions

Nobody could believe what they saw at breakfast that morning, teachers or students, and Harry, Ron, Hermione, and Ginny were no exception.

"Check it out," said Ginny, pointing at Snape and Professor Marsh, who were cuddling each other like two lovesick teenagers. "I guess Professor Marsh has changed her mind about old Snape-O."

"No, she hasn't," Ron told her. "I bet he's used the Imperius Curse to make her love him."

"Don't be silly, Ron, that's illegal," said Hermione. "Obviously he used a Love Potion."

"Oh, of course," said Ron. "I forgot he was the evil Potions Master."

"I can't believe you forgot that, Ron," said Ginny. "Didn't he teach you today, too? If you ask me, he was a bit spacy. Kept going back to his desk and ignoring us…I mean, somebody could have caught on fire and he wouldn't have noticed."

"And he's always giving a huge amount of points to Ravenclaw, I've heard," Hermione added.

"Pathetic," said Ron.

"At least Snape seems happier," Harry pointed out. "I mean, he's too busy thinking about Professor Marsh to bully us."

"But now we don't have Professor Marsh," said Ginny. "She's spacy now, too. Now she makes us read from our textbook in History of Magic class so she can stare out the window and dream about Snape, and she keeps giving points to Slytherin. Why can't teachers just not fall in love?"

"And she doesn't love him for real, you know," Hermione added. "Sure, the potion can make her infatuated—she _believes_ she loves him—but nothing can make her have real romantic feelings."

"So you can't mix up love in a cauldron," Ginny said airily. "Harry and me, though…"

"Your love is true," said Ron, rolling his eyes. For the most part, he was fine with Ginny dating Harry, and it made Hermione happy too.

"And your love is true," said Harry teasingly, referring to Hermione.

"Shut up," said Ron.

Hermione stared across the table at Professor Marsh and Snape, still snuggling. "You know, something occurred to me…Snape went to school with your parents, didn't he, Harry?"

"Of course," said Harry.

"Well, what if Professor Marsh knew Snape from school too?" Hermione continued. "I mean, they look about the same age."

"Snape was interested in my mom, though, not Professor Marsh," Harry reminded her.

"But…that didn't exactly work out, though, did it?" said Hermione. "I wonder if he thinks he's actually found someone in Professor Marsh. The thing is, though, the Love Potion is going to wear off in a couple of days, so he's going to have to keep slipping it to her."

"For the rest of his life," Harry said dully. "At least he didn't think of doing that to my mom…or at least, I hope he didn't."

"I still think Professor Marsh knew your parents, though," said Hermione.

"Why don't we ask her?" Ginny said brightly. "I bet she has some great stories to tell."


	5. Not Herself

Harry, Ron, Hermione and Ginny visited Professor Marsh's office later that day, after they were all done with their classes. (Ginny wasn't in any of theirs, since she was a year below them, but they hung out during their downtime, and as a couple, she and Harry wanted to spend as much time together as possible.)

"Hello," Professor Marsh said brightly. She was sitting on her desk, one leg folded over the other. "What can I do you for?"

"Professor Marsh," said Ginny bluntly, "did you go to school with Snape?"

"You mean Severus?" said Professor Marsh. The four Gryffindors saw her blue eyes misting over again, like they did every time someone mentioned the Potions Master. "Oh, yes. I was two years above him, so I didn't know him very well, but now that I think about it…why didn't we go out?"

"Told you," Hermione whispered.

"Severus was always so handsome," Professor Marsh continued dreamily. "For some reason, not a lot of people thought so, and there were these bullies…I think one of them was named Potter or something…and he would always pick on poor Severus! I was friends with Lily Evans, and she liked him too, but they were just friends…oh, why didn't I date him? Why?"

"So you're going to the Yule Ball with him?" Harry asked, trying to ignore the jab at his father— _she's not herself, she's under the influence of a Love Potion…_

"Yes, I am," said Professor Marsh. "I just love those black robes he wears! Couldn't you just _die?_ Oh, if only I had him in my arms right now…"

Ron pretended to be barfing behind Professor Marsh's back, while Hermione stared up at her teacher in astonishment. Could these words actually be coming out of Professor Marsh's mouth? Hermione didn't like it, but she had to admit, that was one good Love Potion.

"You see, I know he likes me best," said Professor Marsh, getting off her desk and sweeping about the room, gently bumping into things on occasion as she spoke, her eyes almost unfocused. "Severus is perfect. Do you know how good he is at magic, even nonverbal magic? Of course, he's also good at making potions…Oh my God, he's good at _everything_ , he loves me, I love him…who _isn't_ in love with him? Who _couldn't_ resist his allure?"

"Um…we could," said Ginny. "Don't you realize he just slipped you a Love Potion? You don't love Snape, you just think you do."

"Nonsense!" Professor Marsh looked horrified and indignant both. "You're just jealous!"

"Jealous of what?" said Hermione. "Professor, after the potion wears off, you'll be back to normal. Just make sure you don't eat or drink anything Snape gives you after that, okay?"

"I'm not listening! I'm not listening!" Professor Marsh put her hands over her ears. "No wonder you're acting this way! Anyone in their right mind would be jealous of our beautiful, perfect relationship, and it's too bad for you that _I'm_ with the most handsome teacher in school, and _you're_ not! What are you trying to do, separate us?"

"It's for your own good, Professor!" Hermione looked desperate now.

"No, it is not!" Professor Marsh looked furious now. "If you try to separate Severus and me again, you will have us both to answer to! I don't want to see your faces in here anymore! And don't let the door hit you on the way out!"

Feeling horrified at the way Professor Marsh had changed, the four students scuttled down the hall. That was one powerful Love Potion.


	6. Kiss

After term ended, and for the week leading up to Christmas Day (and the Yule Ball), things remained the same—Professor Marsh was crazy for Snape. She didn't have classes to teach anymore, but she'd talk about Snape to anyone who would listen, sounding like a middle school girl who had a crush on a famous rock star.

When Christmas finally arrived, Snape was nervous out of his wits. The last time he'd gone to a school-organized dance event was prom, in his third year, in 1974—he'd taken Lily Evans, but he'd face-planted onto the ground during the middle of "Twist and Shout" and had to go to the hospital wing, and James got to dance with Lily during "Unchained Melody". It wasn't fair, and Snape never wanted to go to a dance again. But this time, he had a date, and she was under a Romance Charm. There was no way he would lift the spell, she had no true love, and he was in no immediate danger of dying, surely—there was no way this could go wrong.

Snape had a lot of final exams to grade over break; he made a mental note to take as many points from Gryffindor as he could, and give lots of extra points to Ravenclaw. It would be great if Slytherin won the House Cup this year, but honestly, Professor Marsh would be _so_ happy if Ravenclaw won…maybe he should just go ahead and let them win…

It was no use trying to grade the papers. Snape could think only of the Yule Ball in a few hours. All he could do was stare at the clock, ticking away in silence—until someone burst in.

Snape let out a cry of surprise, but Professor Marsh smiled. "Only me!"

"Only you?" said Snape incredulously. "You should knock before you come in! You scared me half to death! And if you'd scared me to death, you wouldn't have had a date for tonight, would you?"

"Oh, stop it, Severus." Professor Marsh giggled girlishly. "I haven't even changed yet."

"Haven't you?" said Snape, glad for a reason to look at her whole body, not just her face. She had a curvy, womanly figure he loved—and secretly wanted to get his hands on, although that probably wasn't a very professional thing to try to do. Apart from Lily Evans, he had never met a woman so beautiful.

"Obviously not," said Professor Marsh, walking to Snape's desk and sitting down in his chair.

"What are you doing there?" he asked.

"Sitting," said Professor Marsh simply. When Snape said nothing, she added, "If you want me to keep loving you, I think you should be less stingy…but Severus, how could I ever stop loving you?"

 _She loves me!_ Snape thought, then he remembered, _Oh right…it's just the Romance Charm…oh well, at least I did it right…_

"I'm glad you feel that way," Snape mumbled.

"Now, let me show you something you'll love a lot more than that chair," Professor Marsh said mysteriously. She stood up and walked over to Snape, placing her arms around his neck. Nervously, he put his hands on her waist.

"I don't think I could love anything more than you, Lucy," Snape whispered. "Or anybody…"

Snape felt as if Professor Marsh had put a very strong Romance Charm on him, instead of the other way around. They leaned in closer to each other, Snape and Professor Marsh, standing there, together, their arms thrown around each other, in Snape's dungeon office, until the remaining space between their lips was gone.


	7. Yuletide Surprise

At eight that evening, the Yule Ball began. Everyone was excited to go—as long as they had a date, that is, and most people had arranged dates. Ron was going with Hermione; Harry, with Ginny; McGonagall, with Dumbledore; and everyone knew that, as crazy as it seemed, Professor Lucy Marsh had agreed to go with Snape.

Harry had picked out dress robes specifically for this occasion, and although he didn't say it, he knew they were better than Ron's were. They looked better after the lace had been cut off, but they still looked tattered and worn.

Meanwhile, Snape was trying on his dress robes too. Professor Marsh, or Lucy, as he now knew her, let him know that she liked his black robes very much, but maybe a little bit of color would be good for something as special as a Yule Ball. So they'd gone shopping for robes, and he had settled on some Slytherin-green ones with silver lining. Lucy hadn't revealed what hers would be, because she wanted them to be a surprise.

And he certainly was surprised, when they met up in the Great Hall.

Lucy's short blonde hair was usually straight, maybe a little naturally wavy, but she had curled it. Her dress robes were Ravenclaw-blue with bronze lining. Snape smiled slightly, remembering the big House Pride trend that had been going on at Hogwarts when he and Lucy had gone there. Lucy didn't spend her days in a mass of blue and bronze anymore, but maybe she'd gotten the idea from his Slytherin robes. Snape loved the way the robes were tight, accentuating Lucy's body.

The crowd of students was forced to clap for all the teachers, even though Snape was none too popular, and hardly any of the students thought they were actually in love. They all thought Snape had tricked Lucy in one way or another, probably by a Love Potion, because how else would the Potions Master do it?

Snape awkwardly took Lucy into his arms, and they began to dance. The Yule Ball was supposed to end at midnight, so Snape knew he had four hours until it was time for him to lift the spell. After all, he'd _promised_ himself—this was just for the Yule Ball. After it was done, he'd take the spell off of Lucy, she'd remember none of it, and everyone could forget it ever happened…well, he would never be able to forget it, but maybe it was better that way. No matter what, though, he had to make these four hours last…

Alas, midnight came too soon. Lucy was a few inches shorter than Snape, and she was staring lovingly up into his eyes, like he was all she wanted in the world.

"I love you, Lucy Marsh." Snape swallowed hard. "You have no idea how much it pains me to say goodbye."

"What—goodbye?" Lucy looked startled, and her deep blue eyes filled with tears. "Severus, are you breaking up with me?"

"I'm sorry," Snape told her, his voice constricted. "This will be our very last night together."

"Oh, please, Severus, no!" Lucy shrieked, attracting the attention of several other ball-goers. "I _love_ you!"

"No, you don't." Snape shook his head sadly. "You just think you do."

"I love you more than life itself, Severus," Lucy pleaded. She looked like she was about to throw herself off a bridge. "Please, don't leave me!"

"Okay, I won't," Snape reassured her. That was it, he didn't have to tell her; he could just tell her he loved her one more time, then take the spell off. She would wonder what she was doing here, and she would look at him with disgust. Never again would he be in her arms. Never again would he run his fingers through her hair, which smelled delightfully of coconuts. Never again would he press his lips against hers…

"You mean…we're not going to break up?" Lucy said hopefully.

"Of course not," Snape told her. "I'll always love you."

Snape took a deep breath and reached for his pocket, where he kept his wand, so he could perform the counter-charm. This was going to break his icy heart, but he had to do it…

"In that case," Lucy was saying, "I have an announcement to make."

"Yes, yes, that's right…" Snape was still fumbling for his wand, not listening to her.

"Everyone, I am no longer Lucy Marsh!" Lucy declared, raising her voice so the whole Great Hall could hear.

Snape looked up and his fingers dropped his wand. What on Earth did she mean?

"I'm afraid I don't quite get your drift," said Dumbledore, who looked as confused as anybody else.

"Now," said Lucy, her grin growing wider with every word, "I am Lucy _Snape_."

"Y-You're Lucy _Snape_?" said Dumbledore, clearly astonished. "You two are…engaged?!"

"Yep!" Lucy looked ecstatic. "I want to marry Severus! That's all right with you, isn't it, sweetie?"

"Um…" Snape looked around. Everyone in the Great Hall was staring at him.

"Well, Severus?" Dumbledore's eyes were twinkling. "Is it all right? Would you like to marry Lucy Marsh?"

"Of—of course!" Snape blurted out, before he could stop himself, and everyone cheered; Lucy cheered the loudest of all. Dumbledore seemed excited.

"Oh, Severus, I had no idea!" said the Headmaster, rushing up to Snape and grabbing him around the shoulders. "You two, engaged! I'll do it all! Don't you two lovebirds worry about a thing! We'll have the wedding one week from now, is that cool? Wonderful! Oh, gracious, this will be fun!"

Lucy was beaming, but Snape seemed to have forgotten how to talk. Obviously, he couldn't have turned down Lucy's "proposal" in front of the entre school…not even he was _that_ heartless. And if he had to go along with this, Lucy was as wonderful a wife as any. But still…

 _Married?_


	8. Insanely in Love

Hardly any of the students at Hogwarts thought Lucy had fallen in love with Snape without some sort of manipulation, but they weren't complaining. The wedding was scheduled for one week after Christmas, which was traditionally the day the new term started. This meant, of course, that they would have a day off from school to watch the wedding. Dumbledore had insisted on officiating. Professor Flitwick wanted to be Snape's best man, since he was friends with Lucy, and for the maid of honor, Lucy had supposedly chosen her younger sister, Evelyn, due to arrive at Hogwarts in only a few days.

Hermione wasn't happy that they had to skip a day of their new term.

"I was really looking forward to it," she was complaining at lunch the day after the Yule Ball. "I mean, it's nice that Dumbledore wants us to watch the wedding and all, but…"

"Why are they having it at Hogwarts, anyway?" said Ginny. "Can't they have it in a church or something?"

"I think because Hogwarts is the most meaningful place to them," said Harry. "Or at least to Snape, since Marsh isn't in her right mind…"

"How does he sleep at night?" said Hermione. "Doesn't he feel guilty about this at all?"

"Of course not." Ron rolled his eyes. "I bet he's just congratulating himself on how good he is at making Love Potions…cackling to himself as he stirs his cauldron…"

…

Snape wasn't cackling to himself or stirring a cauldron. All he was doing was trying to grade papers, which he had been trying to do ever since school let out for the holidays. Well, he needed to get it done before the students got back…

But all he could think about was Lucy, because he was out of his mind with worry. Everyone seemed to be whispering about him now, whether he was imagining it or not. Maybe he shouldn't have given this Romance Charm to Lucy. What if he died all of a sudden, and Lucy found herself wondering why she had suddenly stopped loving her husband? Wait, that wouldn't happen, because if the spell ever broke, she wouldn't remember marrying him anyway…But what if somebody found out? Good Heavens, what if _Dumbledore_ found out, and gave him the sack?

Unable to concentrate on grading papers, Snape got up and stared out the window. Would he only be insane like this for the one week before the wedding, or would he be insane for the rest of his life? How on Earth did he get himself into this mess? Snape sat down at his desk again and tried to take points from Gryffindor to get his mind off things, wondering if he really was losing his mind.

 _Yes, I am,_ he decided, since he realized that he had been doodling hearts and flowers in red ink all over Draco Malfoy's Potions essay. What was he, a middle school girl? There was no way Malfoy wouldn't notice this once he got the essay back. Well, he _wasn't_ getting that essay back! Snape chucked Malfoy's essay into the fire, making a mental note to tell him to do it over. That was when he heard a knock at the door.

"Come in," he groaned.

It was Albus Dumbledore. The door swung open as the old wizard entered and pulled up a chair. "Hello, Severus."

"Hello, Headmaster," Snape replied, glad he had already disposed of Malfoy's essay.

"You were hoping it was Lucy, weren't you?" Dumbledore grinned.

"I'm trying to grade papers, Professor." Snape shrugged and held up an essay. The heat level in the room seemed to be rising, especially in his face, so he was intent on changing the subject. "How many points do you think I should take off from Neville Longbottom's essay? Apparently he thinks a spoonful of sugar is a good antidote for rattlesnake poison…hmm, about twenty, maybe, perhaps thirty…I'll give him rattlesnake poison, I will…"

"Don't take that many, please," said Dumbledore. "Only about five."

"Oh, more than that, surely." Snape shook his head. "How about…fifteen? Yeah, he'll think he can get away with it if I don't take away at least fifteen points. Here…wait…"

"Please don't," said Dumbledore. "Why do you think I came here, anyway?"

"To distract me from grading papers?"

"No, to talk about the wedding!"

Snape put his head down on his desk and sighed heavily.

"I'd love to talk about the wedding with you, Headmaster, but I can't do it with all these papers to grade," Snape told him, once again glad he was rid of Malfoy's essay. "I have so much work to do. I love Lucy more than life itself, of course, but…"

"Say no more," said Dumbledore. "I suppose you don't need to think about it now, but I do want you to know, I am working very hard at planning, and I was wondering if you are prepared as well."

"Of course I am," said Snape, even though he didn't think this was true at all.

"Lucy came into my office today, you know," Dumbledore continued. "She loves you with every bit of her heart, Severus. You don't know the half of it."

"What did she say?" Snape asked, in spite of himself.

"She says she dreams about you every night," Dumbledore said. "She says she can't focus on anything anymore, especially when you're together. She says you'll always have a special place in her heart and that your love is a strong bond that nothing can break."

 _Well, there are three ways to break the Romance Charm,_ Snape couldn't help thinking. But what he said was, "I love her too."

"That's exactly why we should go and see her," said Dumbledore, standing up. "Come on."


	9. Snowy White Romance

Finally, Dumbledore and Snape reached Lucy's office. Snape knocked nervously.

"Come in," said Lucy's misty voice.

"Good afternoon, Lucy," said Snape, walking into her office, Dumbledore following closely behind.

"Oh, Sevykins! I'm so glad you're here!" cried Lucy, grabbing Snape and pulling him into a rib-smashing hug. "How _are_ you, handsome?"

"Just fine, now that I'm with you," said Snape mysteriously.

"I'll leave you two alone, now, shall I?" Dumbledore winked and edged out of the room.

"Thank you, Professor!" Lucy chirped, grabbing onto Snape's arm. When the door shut, she looked out the window. Her office was on the second floor, and it looked out onto the courtyard.

"What are you looking at?" Snape asked.

"Well, it's a beautiful snowy day," Lucy pointed out. "Why don't we go outside? There's a nice little bench we can sit on!"

"Um, yeah, a bench," said Snape, knowing where this was going. Sure, he loved kissing Lucy, but there were, well… _students_ out there, and they were already gossiping enough. They were happy about the wedding, but only because it meant they could skip a day of school.

"Okay, good, let's go!" Lucy smiled at Snape and pulled him out of the room. They walked down to the first floor and out to the courtyard, where there were plenty of students milling about, enjoying their break—sitting under the trees, having snowball fights, ice-skating on the lake…but when they saw Snape and Lucy come out of the school, they all stared and started whispering behind their hands, just as Snape feared. Lucy, however, didn't seem to care or even notice.

"We can sit there." Snape pointed at a snowy white bench. After he'd used a spell to keep it warm for them, they sat down. Lucy started chattering about the wedding.

"I've been waiting for you all day, you know," she gushed. "You are _so_ handsome, I bet you get that all the time, don't you?"

"Not really," Snape said uncomfortably.

"Well, you should!" Lucy said forcefully. "I mean, you're practically perfect in every way! I can't wait for the wedding, can you? It's going to be so much fun…Evvy is excited too!"

"Evvy?" Snape raised his eyebrow.

"My sister," Lucy explained. "The maid of honor, remember? She loves stuff like this. But oh my God, she could never be more excited than I am! I get to kiss you again!" She paused, then belted out, "ONE WEEK FROM NOW, MY TRUE LOVE WILL KISS ME ONCE MORE!"

"Lucy, shh!" Snape hushed her frantically, because Hogwarts students were staring even more now.

"Not only that, but Evvy's going to help me pick out my wedding dress!" Lucy was completely wrapped up in her Snape obsession now. "And…wait a minute, you're going to wear a tuxedo, aren't you? You'll look adorable, simply adorable!"

Snape felt strange then; he was torn between his old self, who did not want to look adorable and kept insisting that he wasn't a good match for Lucy. Then the other half of him insisted that it didn't matter how good of a "match" they were, as long as they loved each other. But then he remembered that she didn't really love him, she just thought she did—and that was the closest he would ever get.

"Severus?" Lucy whispered. "What's wrong? Did I upset you?"

"Of course not," said Snape. "I just—"

"Shut up," she cooed, grinning slyly. Snape never got to finish his sentence. She put her arms around him, looking up into his eyes. That strange feeling escalated…

"Lucy…there are people," Snape told her desperately.

"I don't care," said Lucy, minimizing the space between her lips and Snape's. "I don't care if they see us. You don't care, do you, Sevykins?"

 _Sevykins…_

"No, I couldn't care less, Lucy, dear," said Snape, daring not to look into those deep blue eyes, lest he fall into them. "We can do whatever you want, because whatever you want is what I want."

"Good," whispered Lucy, leaning in even closer. Out of the corner of his eye, Snape saw sparks shooting out of his wand, the same way they did when you were angry. Everything seemed to slow down…and all he could see was Lucy…his beloved Lucy…

"Severus!"

Snape looked up at the sky. _Now I'm in for it,_ he thought, waiting for Dumbledore's reaction to catching him kissing Lucy out in the snow. Dumbledore dashed over to them and grabbed Snape's shoulders.

"Her love for you, your love for her, brings tears to my eyes!" Dumbledore really did have tears in his eyes. "Did you see your wand sending up those fireworks? That means you _really_ love her…how sweet! I can't wait until your wedding in front of the whole school! Won't it be fun, Severus?"

Snape looked at Dumbledore incredulously. "Um, yeah…great."

"You'll be the _best_ person to officiate, Headmaster!" Lucy squealed. "And we can't forget the most important thing I'll do that day…kiss my true love!"

 _Or will you?_ Snape thought, but he kept that to himself.


	10. Tears

That evening in the common room, Ron and Ginny were playing a game of Exploding Snap while Harry polished his Firebolt and Hermione worked on some of the assignments they'd been given over break. She had been pestering the others on-and-off to do theirs, too, but they didn't always listen. Harry was also procrastinating on his golden egg clue.

"Maybe we should…try to be a little nicer to Snape," said Hermione reluctantly, looking up from her Arithmancy homework. "I mean, he probably hasn't been to a wedding before, ever. I bet he's worried out of his mind."

"Well, I don't know about worried, but I think the wedding thing was a bit of a shocker," said Ginny. "Did you see the look on his face after she announced it? Something tells me she didn't talk it over with him first."

"We get to _skip a day of school,_ Ginny," said Ron. "I don't care who he's marrying."

"Did you see them out on that bench?" Harry asked, eyes not leaving his Firebolt. "It was disgusting."

"Yeah, with his wand shooting off fireworks and all," Ginny added.

Hermione was writing on a piece of parchment now. "Well, Snape is _human,_ you know."

"Nobody in this school thinks it's romantic, though," said Ron. "Just stupid."

"Well, Dumbledore seems to think it's romantic…" Harry admitted. "I mean, he offered to plan the whole wedding. I guess he thinks she really had a change of heart about him."

…

Hermione was right again. Snape was worried out of his mind. In less than a week, it would be his wedding day. Part of him felt guilty for doing this to Lucy in the first place; part of him felt nervous because he wanted everything to be perfect. To be honest, he would be ecstatic to spend the rest of his life with her…maybe even start a family with her. They'd make passionate love, every night…What did she wear to bed? Nothing? Did anyone know besides her?

 _These are not appropriate thoughts,_ Snape told himself. Weddings were supposed to be romantic, not…sexy. That was their honeymoon. Oh no…the honeymoon! Snape was even _less_ prepared for THAT! Oh no…panic attack coming on…panic attack…

Snape rushed to his office to make himself a Calming Drought. But he was halfway through when who should come into his office but Lucy herself. Startled, Snape accidentally spilled the half-made potion all over himself.

"Don't worry." Lucy smiled, laughed, waved her wand—" _Scourgify!_ "

The mess was gone. Still, Snape said nothing.

"What's the matter, sweets?" Lucy asked, walking over and clinging to Snape's arm.

"Nothing," Snape reassured her. "I just spilled this potion."

"Sevykins, you're worrying me," Lucy whimpered. Snape could see tears leaking out of her blue eyes.  
You just seem so…distant! Withdrawn! We aren't over, are we? The wedding isn't off, isn't it? Oh, I couldn't bear to live!"

"Lucy, of course our wedding's not off!" Snape said frantically. "I'm sorry if I haven't been paying enough attention to you. I'm a little nervous for the wedding too…you see, I'm not good at this stuff."

"But then you should _talk_ to me, not hide!" Lucy insisted.

"I know that now," said Snape, feeling ashamed. Lucy still had feelings besides love, he realized…and he wasn't sure exactly what the Romance Charm did to those feelings. She had only been teaching here since the beginning of the year, when Professor Binns decided to retire, and Snape didn't know her very well. When they went to Hogwarts, she'd been two years above him, and they never really paid much attention to each other.

"We need to spend more time together," said Lucy sadly.

"Don't worry, I'll make sure we will." Snape touched Lucy's shoulders, knowing that sparks were flying out of his wand again.

"I really love you, Sevykins," Lucy whined, her eyes full of tears again.

 _No! You DON'T! This is all pretend! But I can't say that!_ Upon seeing Snape's look of confusion, Lucy looked closer than ever to bursting into tears.

"Darling, please don't cry!" Snape felt desperate. Lucy was leaning on his chest, full-out sobbing.

"You don't love me anymore, I can tell!" she wailed. "And if that's how you want it…I won't bother you with my presence any longer!"

"Lucy, NO!" Snape shouted after her as she bolted out of Snape's dungeon office, her hands over her face.


	11. Research

There were many, many things that Snape did not like (James Potter and the rest of the Marauders were pretty high up on the list). But perhaps one of the things he hated most of all was…feelings. Yes, he was feeling just about devastated right now, and he _hated_ it. Sure, Lucy's feelings of love weren't real. But her feelings of hurt were. Snape had caused the woman he loved to be hurt, and as much as he hated to admit it, that hurt _him,_ too. For the next few days, he was absolutely miserable.

Lucy was acting so strange lately. She wasn't the type of person to wear her heart on her sleeve, so you could never quite tell what she was feeling. In fact, that was the part of her personality that had attracted Snape in the first place—she was mysterious. It wasn't easy to figure her out.

But now…

 _Maybe it has something to do with the Romance Charm,_ Snape thought, and he headed to the library. It took hours, but he finally found a book that might work ( _Advanced Charms to Use on Humans_ ).

"Romance Charm, Romance Charm…" Snape muttered, turning the pages. Finally, he found it. "Aha! Romance Charm!"

Snape read the passage quietly to himself.

 _The Romance Charm (Amare Leporum) is the most commonly used spell to make one person fall in love with another. The charm works on Muggles as well as witches and wizards, but obviously can only be performed by a witch or wizard. The spell is N.E.W.T. level and though it is not illegal, it is generally frowned upon, not only because it is morally wrong but also because it is dangerous._

 _If the victim of the spell is not hit hard enough, he or she can flicker between love and indifference. But if the victim is hit too hard, it can become an obsession. The victim will often lose all sense of self and only be able to focus on the caster. The victim may become clingy at best and completely dependent on the caster at worst._

 _This spell does not come with many side effects, but there are some that have been reported. The biggest side effect is that the victim may become an emotional roller coaster, displaying bouts of either extreme sadness or anger, particularly when under stress. The victim may suffer from delusions. Most importantly, when under the trance, the victim will not remember any lovers upon mention, past or present. If the spell is lifted, he or she will remember nothing that happened during the trance._

 _There are three ways to break the spell: the first, if the caster lifts the spell; second, if the caster dies; or third, on the rare occasion that the victim sees his or her true love in person. But this is only true if the caster and the victim are unmarried. As soon as the caster and the victim share a kiss at the altar after saying their vows, the Romance Charm is permanent. It cannot be broken even if the caster wishes to lift the spell. The victim will be trapped forever._

Shutting the book, Snape gulped and swallowed. After their wedding day, Lucy would be in love with him permanently. Even if he wanted to lift the spell. Even if he died. Even if (by some chance) she had a true love and she saw him in the living flesh. In fact—according to the book, she wouldn't even recognize him.

No matter what happened, she would always be his.

"I knew it was too good to be true," Snape mumbled, shoving the book away from him. There was no way he could go through with this. Yes, he would love to spend the rest of his life with Lucy. That sounded even better than Gryffindor coming in fourth place at the Inter-House Championship at the end of the school year. But what about her?

 _What ABOUT her?_ Snape asked himself defiantly. After all, once she was done crying, Lucy would probably be happier this way! She didn't have a lover before, and now she had one! It wasn't as if she was _suffering,_ really. Well, except from the mood swings, but that was different. The mood swings were a side effect, not the actual Romance Charm itself!

Snape had a choice to make. Either he could keep Lucy under his spell permanently, or he could lift the spell and lose her forever. There was no alternative.

 _What am I going to DO?_ Snape wondered, putting his head in his hands. But when he heard a familiar soft voice, he looked up—

"S-Severus?"

"Lucy?" Snape said quietly.

"What are you doing here?" she asked.

"What are _you_ doing here?" Snape said back, getting up and walking over to her.

"I'm just getting more material for History of Magic class, which starts again in three days, since the students aren't going to have that day off anymore…" Lucy's lip trembled. Snape paused for a moment, his black eyes looking into Lucy's blue ones. There was only silence.

Then he grabbed her by the shoulders and kissed her passionately on the lips like he had never done before.

"Oh, you know the wedding was never off, honey," Snape told her, barely knowing what he was saying as he took her into his arms. "I'm sorry for making you think that…I know you're under a lot of stress…we both are, in fact…"

"Evvy just flew in yesterday," Lucy told him. "She took a Muggle airplane, but she didn't really mind, since she got to sit next to a baby, and she likes babies a real lot…Did I tell you she delivers babies at St. Mungo's now?"

"Wait, was Evvy that one who kind of looks like you, only a little shorter? Usually wears a braid?" Snape asked warily.

"Yes," said Lucy.

"Oh, um…" Snape winced; he had seen Evvy prancing along in the hallways. She was a true Hufflepuff to the core—an annoyingly positive, squealy, bouncy, sugar-sweet ball of energy. Anyone could tell she was almost as excited about the wedding as Lucy was, except she wasn't under a Romance Charm. "It'll be nice to finally meet her."

"She was going to throw me a bridal shower, but she couldn't, because I was a 'jilted bride', as she put it," Lucy told Snape. "But if the wedding's on again…"

"It was never off," said Snape. "By the way, Lucy, I had a question."

"What's that?"

"Well…remember how before term ended, you were talking to that house-elf—Dobby—about something that happened during the First Wizarding War?" Snape asked. "I didn't mean to eavesdrop or anything, but I overheard as I was coming to your office via Floo powder. You were talking about foul play…how there was something you never believed…how there was something bad that happened that you should have tried to stop, but didn't."

Lucy raised an eyebrow. "Sevykins, I have _no_ idea what you're talking about."

"You mean…you don't remember the First Wizarding War?!"

"Of course I remember it; who doesn't?" Lucy sighed. "I just don't remember there being anything bad happening that I should have prevented."

"You weren't talking about the Potters' deaths, were you?" Snape asked swiftly. Tactless? Maybe. But he had to find out. What if Lucy was just like Lily, and she'd been in love with James?! The horror…but he would find out, because according to the book, if she remembered James, that meant she had never been in love with him. The spell rendered her incapable of remembering past or present lovers.

"No, I don't think I could have done anything to prevent that." Lucy looked a little confused now, like she was trying to work out the details of James and Lily's deaths, but Snape sighed in relief, because she remembered James. "Lily was a friend of mine, remember? I don't really like James because he always bullied you! My only regret from that time was that we didn't date. In fact…I don't think I dated anyone really important back in school."

"But you remember _James_ , right?"

"Very well."

"Good." Snape put his hand on her shoulder. "It doesn't matter anyway, does it? Because we're getting married in three days, and I love you more than life itself."

"Oh, _Severus!_ " Lucy cried, jumping up and throwing her arms around his neck. Snape was a good four or five inches taller than she was, so it was a bit of a jump for her, too.

"Oh, _Lucy!_ " Snape yelled back, surprising himself a great deal, and knocked her down onto the table as they made out. In fact, he wasn't aware how long it had been until he heard a throat being cleared behind him and a small student voice—"P-Professor S-Snape?"

Snape and Lucy sat up quickly and noticed a shocked-yet-embarrassed Neville Longbottom, who had been hoping to use the desk.

"Twenty points from Gryffindor because you interrupted us," said Snape, pointing towards the door. "Now go."

"Sorry," Neville whimpered, and scuttled off to another desk.

"Now…where were we?" Snape asked, trying to make his voice sound as alluring as possible (not that he really had anything to worry about, since she was bewitched, but still).

"Oh, baby," Lucy whispered. "Love me tender."

Snape was relieved to find that his worries were gone, at least for the moment, and he didn't think about the Romance Charm, or its effects, for the rest of that day.


	12. Madam Puddifoot's

The next morning was Saturday. Snape got up early, because today he had something planned for Lucy. As far as he could tell, they hadn't really been on any official dates, so he figured he could take her to the Three Broomsticks and buy her a butterbeer. Snape's first thought had been the Hog's Head Inn, but that didn't seem very…romantic, really, so he settled on something more mainstream. Ravenclaws didn't typically go for the mainstream, sure, but what else was there?

Snape knew Lucy liked to sleep in, so he was going to wait until maybe noon, just to be safe. But she was in the dungeons by eight sharp.

"Severus!" she trilled. "Good _morn_ -ing!"

"Lucy." Snape opened the door to his dungeon office. "How can I help you?"

"I just wanted to see you on this wonderful day!" she squealed, jumping into his arms. "We get married on Monday, isn't that wonderful? Oh, I can't wait! Evvy is taking me to get my dress tomorrow! I'm so excited I think I'm going to explode!"

"Um, please don't," Snape told her. "How is Dumbledore's planning going, though?"

"Everything's going _great!_ " Lucy gushed. "All the teachers are making the Great Hall beautiful for our wedding!"

"I'm glad to hear it," Snape said. "Anyway, Lucy dear, I was going to say, we haven't really been on an official date in our relationship. I was wondering if I could take my fiancée to the Three Broomsticks for a butterbeer…"

"That sounds nice, Sevykins, but I know a much better place!" she giggled, grabbing his hand. "C'mon!"

…

Snape was astounded when they entered what Lucy told him was Madam Puddifoot's Tea Shop. It looked like the kind of place Evvy would love. Sure enough—

"Whenever Evvy had a date, she would go here," Lucy explained, showing the teashop to an aghast Snape. The Potions Master felt very grim and out-of-place with his black robes, cloak, gloves and even hair. The only color on him was his green-and-silver House Pride scarf. Lucy's robes were pink, and so was her cloak. Obviously, her House Pride scarf was blue and bronze. She was wearing a pink ribbon in her hair to match her robes. She fit right in.

There were a bunch of teenagers making out at the tables, but they froze when they saw two teachers walk in. Some of them giggled and pointed; some of them stared; some of them paid and left as soon as they could. Snape felt even more uncomfortable because of this.

"Maybe we should go somewhere else," he mumbled.

"Why?" Lucy pouted. "You aren't worried about what the students might think, are you?"

"Well…" Snape frowned, remembering the passage in the book about people becoming emotional under stress if they also happened to be under the influence of a Romance Charm. The last thing he wanted to do was set Lucy off again. "Of course I don't care. If they try anything funny, we can just take points from them, remember?"

"Oh yes, that's right." Lucy smirked in the direction of some students who had been laughing, Snape gave them a withering glare, and they shut up.

"All right now…" Snape was wondering what to say to Lucy now. Should they talk more about the wedding? Or was it true that Dumbledore had everything under control? "Can you—can you believe this weather we're having?"

Lucy raised an eyebrow. "It's always snowy in late December."

Snape frowned. Luckily, the two of them were interrupted by Madam Puddifoot, who took their orders. Snape wanted a black coffee; Lucy wanted a hot chocolate.

"You don't like coffee?" Snape asked.

"Not really," Lucy told him. "I just never liked the taste."

"So, um…how's History of Magic going?" Snape continued awkwardly. "I mean, have you come up with your lesson plan yet?"

"Not really," Lucy said distantly. "I haven't been focusing on anything but the wedding."

"But darling, working on a lesson plan is important," Snape told her, even though he was one to talk, because he hadn't started on a lesson plan either. But he had tenure, so that was different…

"Maybe I'll just have them read out of the book some more or something," said Lucy. "You? Just assign your students random potions. Isn't that what you already do, anyway?"

"I guess." Snape shrugged. "But I give them potions that fit their level…first-year students aren't going to be assigned N.E.W.T. level potions, you know…"

"Of course not." Lucy nodded. "After the wedding I bet it'll be easier to teach. I'm just so excited now!"

"I am too," Snape told her.

"Here are your drinks, darlings," said Madam Puddifoot, setting the coffee and hot chocolate down in front of the two teacher-lovers. They drank up for a bit, Snape glad to have something to do with his hands, until he found himself staring across the table at Lucy, black eyes meeting blue.

"Oh, Sevykins, I just love you so," Lucy whispered.

"I love you too," Snape said back, knowing by now that they would kiss. Ignoring the stifled giggles of Hogwarts students sitting around them, Snape and Lucy shared another romantic kiss, right over the coffee and hot chocolate.

…

"You will _never_ believe what I heard about Snape and Professor Marsh this time," Ron was whispering eagerly to Harry, Ginny, and Hermione, who were sitting with him by the common room fire. "Apparently they were at this real lovey-dovey tea shop in Hogsmeade—and they _kissed!_ Everyone at school is talking about it!"

"It's always so weird to see teachers out of school," said Ginny. "Especially if they're making out in a tea shop, which I'm glad I missed."

"Well, she _is_ his fiancée, even if she is under the influence of a Love Potion," said Hermione. "No wonder they went to a tea shop, he probably slipped some more of it right into her tea. How awful. I _told_ her not to eat or drink anything he gives her, but of course she didn't listen."

"She's not going to listen unless you're talking about how wonderful Snape is," Harry said sarcastically.

"If only we had the real Professor Marsh back," said Ron longingly.

"Just like all the boys, you only like her because she's pretty." Ginny rolled her eyes.

"No, she was fun!" Ron protested. "Wasn't she, Harry?"

"Well, maybe she was before Snape gave her the Love Potion," said Harry, although he did think Professor Marsh was quite pretty. "But now she just makes us read the textbook while she dreams about Snape all day! Then on Monday, we actually have to watch them get married. Ugh."

"Maybe he'll forget to give her the Love Potion before the wedding day, she'll remember that she doesn't love him, and she'll run away at the altar," said Ron hopefully.

"Oh yeah, he'll totally forget," said Hermione sarcastically. "Honestly, Ron, this is _Snape_ we're talking about."

"Nothing wrong with a teacher crush," Ginny said mockingly, and both Harry and Ron looked embarrassed, while the girls laughed.


	13. Teachers in Love (Sort of)

Snape and Lucy weren't aware, once they were coming back from their Hogsmeade date, that Harry and his friends were discussing their "romance" at that very moment in the common room. No, the sun was setting, and she was holding his hand as they kicked their way through the snow. Just to be playful, Lucy had swapped their scarves. Snape's green-and-silver scarf was greasy, like his hair, but Lucy didn't seem to mind. Lucy's blue-and-bronze scarf smelled like her lavender perfume, and it was warm from her body heat, so Snape didn't mind wearing swapping scarves either.

"You've got some snowflakes in your hair, Severus," Lucy said flirtatiously, referring to the white snowflakes that stood out clearly on Snape's black hair. She reached out and jokingly brushed them away with her hand.

"I think they will melt just fine," Snape assured her, and he was shocked to find that he was actually feeling sort of…cheerful.

"Why, Severus!" they heard Madame Rosmerta call from across the street. "I haven't seen you smile like that since…I can't remember when!"

"Do I make you happy, Severus?" Lucy beamed.

"More than you know," said Snape. There were a few straggler students left in Hogsmeade, giggling at Madame Rosmerta's comment, but most of them had gone back to Hogwarts by now (thankfully, Harry and his friends were among them, of course).

Snape and Lucy walked directly into the setting sun, back to the castle. Another day had drawn to a close, and when the morning came, it would be the day before the wedding.

…

That morning, everyone was shocked when they came down for breakfast. The Great Hall no longer looked much like the Hogwarts Great Hall; it was all set up for the wedding. There was an aisle down which the bride would walk, and an altar where they would be married. The enchanted ceiling, instead of reflecting the sky outside, looked like the top of the Sistine Chapel. For decorations, there were wreaths and flowers everywhere. The house-elves in the kitchens were working tirelessly at the wedding cake.

"I can't believe this," Ron was saying as they sat down at the table. "Snape and Marsh are _actually_ getting married."

"What are we supposed to call her once they're married, anyway?" said Harry. "Professor Snape? How would they know which Snape I was referring to?"

"Under normal circumstances you'd probably call her by her maiden name when she teaches, just to differentiate, and call her Lucy Snape on her downtime," said Hermione. "But since she's affected by a love potion, she'd probably be offended by that suggestion."

"Y'know, Harry, maybe you should tell Hedwig to leave a little 'present' in Snape's cauldron," Ginny said jokingly.

"Then he'd have to clean it out before he could make any more Love Potion for Professor Marsh!" Ron laughed. "She'd get back to sanity…"

"If your ignorance did not allow you to notice," said an all-too-familiar voice behind them, "I can _hear_ you."

"Oh my God!" Hermione gasped.

"Professor Marsh is NOT under the influence of a Love Potion!" Snape yelled. "Twenty points from Gryffindor—each!"

"Aw, come on!" said Ron, but then he shut up, because otherwise Snape might punish them even worse for gossiping about him.

"By the way, you all did very well at your last Potions lesson," said the Potions Master, addressing the table next door. "300 points to Ravenclaw."

Snape glided away, looking self-satisfied; Harry and his friends shared looks of disbelief.


	14. Letter

"I cannot believe he was standing behind us and listening," said Ginny as she watched herself in the mirror. "Doesn't he know anything about privacy?"

"Well, we were gossiping about him, but I suppose it was still rude," Hermione replied thoughtfully. "Do you think I should try to do something with my hair or just leave it the way it is?"

Girls were allowed in the boys' dorms (though not vice versa) so Hermione and Ginny were visiting Harry and Ron. It was Sunday evening and they were looking in the full-length mirror, trying to decide whether they should bother to dress up for the wedding or not.

"Lavender Brown and Parvati Patil are dressing up," Ginny told her.

"Well, it can't be because they support Snape," said Harry from his bed. "They probably just want a reason to put on a pretty dress."

"And plenty of students, including me, are glad to have the first day of term off!" Ron said gleefully. "I mean, I don't want to go to that stupid wedding tomorrow, but it's better than double Potions or something like that!"

"I'm probably just going to go in my school uniform," Hermione resolved. "Ginny?"

"I will too," Ginny agreed. "I'm probably going to go to bed though. We can't be sleepy for the wedding."

"Good idea," said Hermione. They said their goodnights to Harry and Ron, and left the dorm room.

"You know, the only reason I'm really going is the food," said Ron. "Otherwise I'd probably find a way to skive off."

"We should bring some of it to Sirius, though," Harry reminded him. "If he's living on rats, cake should taste pretty good. There are probably cookies and candy too. But meat is what fills you up."

"They'll have all of that at the wedding," said Ron. "Write him to let him know you're coming, though, at least. Besides, I'm sure he'll get a laugh out of the Snape situation."

Harry nodded and got a fresh piece of parchment, then he and Ron composed a letter to Sirius:

 _Dear Sirius:_

 _Good news! You won't have to be living on rats for a while now. There's a wedding at our school tomorrow at 3 pm, and they're going to have a ton of refreshments—that's the only reason Ron is going. But you'll never believe who's getting married—Snape! The bride is Professor Lucy Marsh, our new History of Magic teacher. She used to be a good teacher, but she got real boring after Snape did whatever he did to her._

 _We think he slipped her a Love Potion, but that's only because he's the Potions Master. Ron thinks he's got her under the Imperius Curse; do you think he would do that? Hermione said that if he really loved her, he wouldn't do that, but I don't know. Dumbledore seems to think Professor Marsh's love is real, though, since he was the one who set up their wedding. Pretty much none of the students believe this, because you don't go from being disgusted by someone one day to being obsessed with them the next—and she is OBSESSED. It's pretty scary. She even bumps into stuff when she talks about him, and she gets mad and cries a lot. Snape must be constantly feeding her Love Potions, because it doesn't seem to be wearing off—she's been in "love" with him since the start of Christmas Break. Snape is always giving points to Ravenclaw, because that's her alma mater._

 _I know you'd probably think it was hilarious to watch Snape louse his wedding up, which he probably will, but it's safer for you to stay hidden. We'll bring the wedding food for you after school on Tuesday._

 _Sincerely, Harry_

After he finished writing his letter, Harry summoned Hedwig. The snowy white owl took the letter to deliver to Sirius; Harry and Ron got in bed. They weren't looking forward to watching Snape kiss Lucy at the altar, but some cake did sound quite good.


	15. Wedding Ceremony

Sunday had dawned happy and lovey-dovey for both Lucy and Snape. But it only remained that way for Lucy. Snape just became increasingly anxious, and he wanted to make a Calming Drought, but he knew that too much of those things wouldn't be good for him…no…

Snape never made it to bed that night. The wedding was at 3 pm tomorrow, so he didn't have to go to bed right away…but he was just too nervous to be sleepy. So he tried to work on a lesson plan instead, because after all, term started again on Tuesday. Snape didn't get very far, though, and mostly he just stared into space as the sun rose into the sky. When he glanced at his watch, he saw that it was six in the morning.

There were still papers all over his desk that needed grading. The lesson plan he'd started last night had been largely abandoned. Even though his desk was usually neat, it was very messy now. Just then, Snape realized how tired he actually was.

 _Just one hour or so of a nap_ , Snape told himself. Then he'd wake up and do his work, then get ready for the wedding…

…

"SEVERUS!"

"Whuh?" Snape groggily lifted his greasy head off his desk.

"What are you doing, napping?!" Dumbledore was heard saying. Snape looked up at the Headmaster through foggy eyes. There was a huge smile on his lips that spread to his eyes. "You can't be sleeping in here if you're going to be married in thirty minutes!"

"WHAT?!" Snape hollered, darting up and gaping at his watch. "B-But I'm not ready!"

"Lucy loves you just as you are," said Dumbledore, grabbing Snape's hand. "Come on, Severus!"

Snape groaned, but he allowed Dumbledore to pull him out of his dungeon, up into the Great Hall. Most of the students were already there. Very few had bothered to dress up; they were mostly just dressed in their school uniforms. There were no more House Tables; instead, there were lots of plastic chairs lined up where the guests would be sitting. They had also hired a seventh-year student to play an organ. None of the students looked happy about sitting on these pieces of plastic for upwards of an hour, but what choice did they have? Oh well, at least the cake looked good…

The students murmured in distaste as they noticed Snape being pulled by Dumbledore. Snape caught things like, "Wow, he didn't even bother to wash his hair for his own wedding", which he didn't think was very nice. Dumbledore took his place as the officiator, and Snape stood by one side of the altar, feeling nauseous. Professor Flitwick was standing next to him, propped up on a pile of textbooks. Evvy was on the other side; she was wearing an enormous, frilly pink dress, and her golden-blonde hair was styled in an elaborate updo, with roses scattered throughout. She was holding Lucy's bouquet, and to Snape, she seemed about to explode with excitement. The grin on her face seemed to spread from ear to ear and her dimples were showing on her rosy-red cheeks. Snape just hoped she wouldn't talk to him, or even come near him—probably the worst part about being married to Lucy would be having Evvy for a sister-in-law. Snape turned his head away and waited for Lucy.

Before Snape knew it, Dumbledore snapped his fingers; the seventh-year organ player sighed; and Lucy, escorted by her father, proceeded down the aisle.

Lucy's shoulder-length blonde hair was styled into little ringlets that tumbled flawlessly down her face. In her hair she wore a silver tiara; she also had on long white gloves. The gown was sleeveless, with a halter top, and it was the kind of dress Lucy liked to wear—form fitting, floor-length, accentuating her shapeliness in all the right places.

"Oh, isn't she _beautiful?_ " Evvy squealed in delight.

"Very," Snape said back, and he meant it.

Lucy's father had tears in his eyes as his hand left hers; he lifted up the veil and kissed her on the forehead, and went to sit down. Both he and Lucy's mother looked a bit shocked; Lucy and Evvy were Muggle-borns, like Hermione and Lily Evans. Of course, Dumbledore had allowed them to come to the wedding at Hogwarts regardless, as long as they kept it a secret from the other Muggles. Evvy handed the bouquet to her older sister and gave her a tight, giggly, tearful hug.

"It is time for the vows," Dumbledore said, ostensibly seriously, but his eyes were twinkling. "Professor Severus Tobias Snape, do you take Lucille Margaret Marsh to be your lawfully wedded wife, in sickness and in health, for better and for worse, for happily ever after?"

"I do."

"Professor Lucille Margaret Marsh," Dumbledore continued, turning to Lucy, who was clutching her little bouquet and beaming at Snape, tears sparkling in her eyes. "Do you take Professor Severus Tobias Snape to be your lawfully wedded husband, in sickness and in health, for better and for worse, for happily ever after?"

"I do."

"Then…I now pronounce you man and wife!" Dumbledore cried happily. "You may kiss the bride!"


	16. Can't Help Falling In Love

"This is disgusting," whispered Ron as he and the others watched Dumbledore officiating. "Can teachers really be human, do you think?"

"Shh!" said Hermione. "Do you want to get in trouble?"

"No, I want to get up," Harry replied. "These plastic chairs are just murder on a person's butt."

"At least you don't have to wear a uniform skirt!" Ginny exclaimed. "The way your thighs stick to the seat after a while…"

Hermione nodded in agreement, while Harry and Ron looked embarrassed. But the four of them still snapped to attention when they heard Dumbledore say the, erm, "magic words".

"You may kiss the bride!"

Snape and Lucy were moving their lips ever closer. Those words certainly were magical. They would seal the Romance Charm, Snape knew, make Lucy in love with him forever, in life, in death, in loss, in love, there was no going back now—

Next thing you know Snape had been hit hard in the back and was lying on the floor; Evvy let out a high-pitched shriek; everything had suddenly gone blurry and Snape could hear growling above him. The crowd gasped. What Snape didn't see, they did.

Lucy was still standing by the altar, mouth open in shock and confusion, her blue eyes wide open; Evvy was breathing hard, staring, tears streaming down her cheeks. Snape was lying backwards on the floor, and on top of him, holding him down with two front paws, was a huge, bearlike black dog.

They heard the loudest screech of all come from the back of the Great Hall.

"IT'S THE GRIM!" Professor Trelawney screeched at the top of her lungs. "RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!"

It was complete pandemonium after that—the students were pushing to get out of the Great Hall and away from the Grim, but it didn't work when they were all trying to get away at once. Professor Trelawney was having a panic attack. They were lucky when Dumbledore somehow finally took control.

"Order, order please!" he shouted. "Heads of House, please escort your respective students out of the Great Hall in a neat, single-file line—except for you, Professor Snape. I want you to follow me."

Harry, Ron, and Hermione weren't following Professor McGonagall, of course. They ran over to the dog.

"Snuffles!" Harry hissed. "Is that you?!"

The hall was devoid of students and teachers now, so the dog felt safe to turn into a man—recognizable as Sirius Black, thin from living on rats in a cave, hair long, unshaven, rather sickly-looking. But he didn't answer his godson, who in fact was shocked at him. Sirius looked just like the dangerous murderer everyone thought he was. Without looking at the three Gryffindor students, he grabbed Lucy's arm and practically dragged her towards Snape and Dumbledore, who were leaving the Great Hall into a side corridor. Harry, Ron, Hermione, and a horrified-looking Evvy followed.

Sirius was walking fast, so the others had to almost run to keep up with his strides. It wasn't long before they caught up with Snape and Dumbledore, and everyone was soon out in the corridor. As soon as they stopped walking, Sirius let go of Lucy. She was looking frightened beyond belief.

"W-What's going on?" she whispered, her eyes threatening to fill with tears. "Where am I? Why am I wearing this dress? Somebody tell me!"

"WHAT'S WRONG WITH MY LUCY?!" Sirius barked, grabbing Snape's shoulders. "WHAT HAVE YOU DONE WITH HER?!"

"NOTHING!" Snape yelled, matching his tone.

"Snape gave her a Love Potion!" Ron told everyone gleefully.

"I DID NOT!" Snape hollered. "FIFTY POINTS FROM GRYFFINDOR!"

"Lucy, tell me…" said Dumbledore slowly. "Do you remember asking Severus to marry you?"

"N-No!" she gasped. "I never did that! Last thing I remember I was in my office…now I'm here…"

"Mr. Weasley, Professor Marsh was not under the influence of a Love Potion," Dumbledore concluded. "Rather, I now believe she has been under the influence of a Romance Charm. Severus, I—"

Dumbledore didn't get to finish his sentence, because he was cut off by Snape's screams. Sirius had transformed again.

"GET OFF ME!" Snape was trying to push the oversized dog back, but it looked like Sirius was attempting to maul him.

"Sirius, control yourself!" Dumbledore said sharply. "Turn back into a human at once!"

The dog took one more swipe at the front of Snape's robes with his claws, then resumed his human form. Snape stood up too; he had an awful gash in his forehead and was stemming the blood flow with a piece of cloth. It turned out to be the sleeve of his robe, which Sirius's canine jaws had torn off. There was a cut on his arm, too.

"I just knocked you over in the Great Hall!" Sirius snarled. "But I'll gladly bite your leg off next time!"

"Doesn't matter!" Snape hissed, pointing his wand at Sirius's chest. "Lucy's mine now, Black, now that we've married."

"Don't try and fool me!" Sirius shouted, forcing his arm down. "You two didn't kiss yet! She doesn't remember a thing—she's been freed! _I'm_ her true love!"

"Why would anyone love a dangerous murderer, especially Lucy?" Snape scoffed.

"Sirius isn't a murderer," Lucy finally spoke up, although her voice was shaking. "Don't think I don't know the true story. They switched Secret-Keepers at the last minute; Sirius and the Potter family told me."

"It's true," said Harry. "Sirius has been framed. It was Peter Pettigrew who committed all that murder, not him. Snape, you know it, you were there that night last year."

"Sirius, as soon as I found out you were in Azkaban, I went to Barty Crouch Sr. and I pleaded your case," Lucy explained hurriedly, referring to the man who had been Head of Magical Law Enforcement at the time. "But he wouldn't listen to me! I couldn't convince him to try you—he thought I was biased—he even accused _me_ of being a Death Eater—"

"I know," Sirius soothed, holding the shaking young woman in his arms. "There was nothing anybody could have done."

Then it hit Snape— _that_ was what she had been talking about that day in her office. _That_ was the horrible thing she had tried to prevent, but couldn't. She had been talking about Sirius. Foul play? Of course. That was _exactly_ how one of Sirius's girls would see it…

"I'm sorry, babe," she whispered. "I became an Auror later to make sure nothing like that ever happened again. Once you escaped last year, I convinced Amelia Bones to make me the one in charge of the hunt for you—I told you I knew you the best, as your former girlfriend. I wanted to prove you innocent."

"So what are you doing at Hogwarts, then?" Sirius asked.

"Once I heard there was an opening at the school, I figured I'd give it a try," said Lucy. "I thought I'd keep an eye on your godson for you. I had no idea you were so nearby."

"Well, we have Harry to thank." Sirius gestured to the shocked-looking Boy-Who-Lived, standing with his two friends in the back of the corridor as all three watched the scene unfold. "After all, he's the one who tipped me off about this. As soon as I got his owl, I rushed to the school. Looks like I was just in time."

"Or I would have been trapped forever by Snape's Romance Charm," said Lucy.

"By the way, darling…" Sirius reached out and touched Lucy's short, blonde hair. "What have you done with your hair? You know I always loved it."

"I thought waist-length, dyed-blue hair was a bit unbecoming of an Auror, and besides, it reminded me too much of you." Lucy still had tears in her eyes as she stared up at Sirius, but she was finally smiling. "What have you done with _your_ hair?"

"Let's just say that when you go into hiding, you don't always have access to good hair care products," Sirius told her, now smiling as well.

"It's been too long," Lucy whispered.

"Far too long," Sirius whispered back, he closed his eyes, she closed hers and stood up a little taller, Snape shouted, "LUCY, NO!" but it was too late…

"Oh, _Lucy!"_ Evvy cried, and she burst into tears as she saw her sister kissing Sirius, right there in the corridor, just like the long-lost lovers they were. Finally, they separated, Sirius still holding Lucy tight.

"It's a miracle to have finally found you, Lucy," Sirius told her. "Finally, the two of us, reunited!"

"You're right, Sirius," Lucy agreed. "It _is_ a miracle."

"I'm afraid it's not quite so," Dumbledore told them. "You see…the only way you two can ever be together is if Sirius is proven innocent."

Something seemed to shatter behind Sirius's gray eyes. The smile faded from Lucy's face.

"That's right!" Snape sounded triumphant. "How do you feel _now_ , Black?!"

"Please, Professor Marsh," Hermione said quietly, like she didn't want to interrupt the scene, but couldn't help herself. "Barty Crouch Sr. isn't Head of Magical Law Enforcement anymore. Isn't there _any_ way they can try Sirius? If there's one thing I know about law, it's that everything has a loophole—"

"And you were an Auror, so wouldn't you know all about that stuff?" Harry added.

"Well, there is one way, but it's a long shot," Lucy said reluctantly, sniffing and separating herself from Sirius's arms.

"What is it?" Sirius looked shocked.

"Well, after Barty-Crouch-Jr.-Gate happened and Senior lost all his popularity, Amelia Bones became the new Head of Magical Law Enforcement," Lucy began. "Amelia Bones is fair. She gives everyone a chance, and she didn't approve of his methods. So she decided to set up the Wrongful Imprisonment Office."

"What's the Wrongful Imprisonment Office?" said Ron.

"It's a subdivision of the Department of Magical Law Enforcement," Lucy explained. "They handle appeals and things like that. If we can convince the wizard who's in charge to take a look at Sirius's case, we might be able to get him tried."

"I don't think it matters, though," said Sirius darkly. "We won't be able to prove jack without Pettigrew here."

"You sure, Sirius?" said Harry. "I can testify for you. So can the others."

"I'll definitely testify!" Lucy told him. "Amelia Bones knows I'm not a Death Eater, not after all my years of being an Auror, and nobody will ever believe you've Confunded me—as an Auror, I've learned to resist such things. Dumbledore, will you testify?"

"I suppose I can't get in the way of true love," Dumbledore said. "But I will also need you to testify for him, Severus."

"Me?" Snape yelled. "No way!"

"You were in the Shrieking Shack that night too," Dumbledore said sharply. "Besides, you have personal knowledge in this area, if you know what I mean."

"It doesn't matter!" Snape crossed his arms. "There is no way I'm going to testify for Black just so he can be with Lucy Marsh—who he just stole right from under my nose!"

"She was never yours in the first place!" Harry cut in. "You—you _cursed_ her—or whatever you did—"

"THIS DOES NOT CONCERN YOU, POTTER!" Snape yelled.

"Professor Snape!" Hermione cried. Tears were shining in her eyes, too. "I know you don't like Sirius, but if you really loved Professor Marsh, you would testify—because that would make her happy—and that's what love is about!"

Ron was watching Hermione like she was made of gold.

"You're out of your mind, Miss Granger!" Snape told her angrily, then turned to Sirius and Lucy. "You two can forget it! I'm not testifying at your stupid trial! So much for happily ever after!"

"Fine," Sirius said quietly, his voice low.

Harry, Ron, and Hermione, watching from the back of the corridor, expected Sirius to get angry, but he didn't; he just held Lucy close again, like she was all he had in the world.

"It still smells like coconuts," he said softly, one tear slowly making tracks down his face, clearing a clean path through the dirt.

"I-I never could help falling in love with you," she whispered. Tears were streaming down her face, too, but she did not sob.

Something about her words seemed to trigger something inside Sirius; he held her tight and told her, "Looks like I will have to go…but if the dementors get me and they try to suck out my soul, they'll never get it all."

"W-Why not?" Lucy sniffed.

"Because part of my soul will always be with you," he whispered. "I love you, Lucy."

"I love you too," she assured him, and they finally had to break the hug. Their hands were the last to part. Sirius transformed back into a dog and padded slowly down the corridor, tail between his legs, head low. Lucy turned away, her face in her hands.

"Lucy?" Snape said tentatively.

"J-Just…just don't." Lucy's voice broke. "I-I never want to see you again, Severus."

Snape stared at Sirius, still walking down the hall; Lucy, sobbing, still in her beautiful white wedding gown; Evvy, who was also crying; Dumbledore, who looked extremely disapproving; and Harry and his friends, who looked as if they expected as much.

Finally, the Potions Master took a deep breath, closed his eyes tight, opened them again, and said, "Wait."


	17. Fairy Godmother

"W-What?" Lucy sobbed.

"I said—wait!"

This time it was Sirius who stopped, transformed, and said, "What?!"

"Sirius Black, I hate you with every fiber of my being," Snape began darkly, but then he turned to Lucy, who was disbelievingly peeking out from between her perfectly manicured bride-fingers. "But as much as I hate to say it…Miss Granger is always right…I love you and I want you to be happy…so I'll testify at the damn trial if you can push it through."

"Oh, thank you!" Lucy cried, reaching out and embracing him. "I'm sorry for saying I never wanted to see you again! We can still be friends, I promise!"

"Great," Snape grunted.

Once she had let go, Sirius walked up to Snape, held out his hand, and muttered, "I owe you one."

"Don't touch me!" Snape snapped. "I did this for Lucy, not you! I prefer to keep our relationship of complete and utter loathing as it is."

"Fine," Sirius said again, then turned to Lucy. "Let's hope this Wrongful Imprisonment thing works, sweetheart."

"Oh, Sirius!" she cried, they kissed again, and Evvy grabbed them both, squeezing them tight.

"Very well; I will arrange a meeting with Amelia Bones later this week," said Dumbledore. "In the meantime…Severus, I would like to see you in my office, alone."

"Don't yell at him yet, please, Headmaster!" Evvy was grinning. "You know he's just a man very much in love. You go explain the situation to the students first, all right? Including the fact that Sirius is innocent? Then have them come back into the Great Hall. Ten minutes should do it—thank you."

"If you insist, Miss Marsh." Dumbledore looked curious, but he left. Snape turned to follow Dumbledore, but Evvy pulled him back.

"Oh no you don't," she giggled. "I need to do it to you first—I mean, just look at you."

"Do what to me?" Snape felt a bit apprehensive. Surely Evvy was angry because of what he did to her sister? But why did she look so giggly and eager? Was that her default setting or something? Of course it was…

"Hold still," Evvy told him, pulling out her wand.

"Don't point that thing at me!" Snape yelled, but it was too late—with a flash of red light, Snape's appearance had changed drastically. No longer was he wearing his torn old black robes; now he was wearing fine robes of black silk. With some thought, Evvy added silver lining, then told Snape he needed to wash his hair; with another zap of her wand, his hair no longer held its signature grease.

Lucy was now grinning too. She seemed to be the only one who knew what was going on. Everyone else was simply gaping.

"You next," said Evvy, pointing her wand at Sirius. After she zapped him, his hair was clean and cut so that it was now shoulder-length, an inch or two longer than Lucy's; another zap and he seemed to have been showered, and he was wearing brilliant scarlet-and-gold dress robes. Next, Evvy walked over to Harry, Ron, and Hermione.

"What's your favorite color, dear?" she asked Hermione.

"Um, violet," Hermione told her.

 _ZAP!_ Instead of her school uniform, Hermione was now wearing a dazzling violet ball gown, complete with silver jewelry and a violet manicure. Evvy zapped her again, and her brown hair was suddenly just as sleek and shining as it had been at the Yule Ball, only this time it was woven into a braided crown and topped with a silver tiara. Ron was practically drooling.

"I believe you two are dating?" Evvy said to him kindly.

"Y-Yes," Ron blurted out.

 _ZAP!_ Ron was wearing a remarkable three piece-suit with a tie in the exact shade of violet as Hermione's dress.

"Ginny's favorite color is green," Harry said quickly.

"Now isn't that nice," Evvy told him. "I'll give you a shade that goes with your eyes…Of course, I'll give Miss Weasley a beautiful dress too. I have the perfect dress in mind already."

 _ZAP!_ Harry suddenly looked just as sharp as Ron, only his tie was emerald-green.

"And now for the final touch…" Evvy spun around (how she did that in three-inch, bright-pink high heels, she alone knew) and zapped her older sister; suddenly Lucy's face was dry, her makeup was fixed, and—most notably—her hair was now waist-length and a familiar shade of blue.

"Evvy, what have you _done?!"_ Sirius gasped, staring down at his gorgeous red-and-gold dress robes—which, from Madame Malkin's, would have easily set him back some four hundred Galleons—and running his hands through his clean hair.

"I call it my Fairy Godmother Spell," Evvy said triumphantly, pocketing her wand and adjusting one of the roses arranged in her golden-blonde hair. "Especially since, unfortunately, the spell does wear off in about five hours. But that gives us until about ten, so…who wants to give the Hogwarts student body the reception party they were promised?"

"Oh, Evvy, you're the best sister ever!" Lucy cried, embracing her.

"No, you are," Evvy whispered. "Now let's go."

Harry, Ron, and Hermione led the way, Hermione tugging Ron's hand. Evvy noticed Snape hanging back.

"Aren't you coming, Severus?" she asked.

"Why should I?" he grumbled. "I've been friendzoned again."

"Severus, that was an awfully decent thing you did back there," Evvy told him. "Even if my sister isn't the right match for you, someday you'll find a woman who is—someday you'll find someone who can see the goodness in you, even if that day is not today. For today…you can be _my_ dance partner and you are going to have fun because Merlin knows you need it."

"Fuck it, let's go," Snape mumbled. Evvy laughed her girly little laugh, grabbed his hand, and led him out into the Great Hall, where Dumbledore was standing with the students already.

"First I need to give Ginny her dress and hairdo, though," Evvy reminded Snape, and walked off, her pink high heels clicking on the floor.

"Make sure you warn her what you're going to do to her first," Snape muttered. "Most people don't like having wands pointed at them, you know."


	18. Wedding Reception

Couples were seeking each other out everywhere. Sirius and Lucy were one of those couples; Ron and Hermione were another. By the time Harry found Ginny, Evvy had already had her way with her, and Harry was pleasantly surprised.

"Harry!" Ginny was smiling. "Look at this dress Evvy gave me to dance with you in! She gave me my favorite color and—look, it's the same color as your tie!"

Ginny's ball gown was emerald-green. The sleeves were slightly puffy, but in an endearing way. It was slim-fitting in the waist with a wider skirt that reached her knees, good for an "hourglass-figure" look. Her hair was styled into a French twist, with a silver tiara like Hermione's. She had sterling-silver earrings and a sterling-silver necklace with a ruby pendant, as well as white gloves and white strappy wedge shoes.

"She gave me white high heels at first," Ginny told him. "But I explained I can't really walk in high heels, much less dance, so she gave me these great wedges instead."

Harry had no idea what wedge shoes were, but he did know that Ginny looked great, so he grabbed her hand and led her out to dance.

Sirius and Lucy, meanwhile, were holding each other close. Lucy asked when they were going to start the music.

"How about right now?" Sirius winked and pointed his wand at the record player sitting by the altar, and it began to spin.

"Oh, Sirius!" Lucy said again. "It's the first song we ever danced to!"

"Right," said Sirius. "It's 'Can't Help Falling in Love'."

"Remember on our anniversary when the needle got stuck, and the record kept playing over and over?" Lucy asked, grinning.

"Oh, I remember," Sirius replied, holding her even closer.

"You did that on purpose," Lucy whispered. "I _know_ you did."

"All right, I confess," said Sirius. "But you must admit it was romantic."

"Very romantic." Lucy closed her eyes and leaned her head on Sirius's chest.

Ron and Hermione were dancing too; Ron was trying not to tread on Hermione's feet like he had at the Yule Ball. Harry was a little better at not stepping on Ginny's feet as they swept across the floor, but neither of the boys could believe how beautiful their dates were. Most of the students were still in their school uniforms, but they seemed to be enjoying the song, even if it was a lot older than they were.

Snape was having a hard time dancing with Evvy—not so much because he didn't really care for her, but mostly because he wasn't exactly experienced in dancing. She was basically forcing him through the steps—although she didn't seem to mind.

"I don't know about what you said, Evvy," Snape said quietly. "I think I'm going to die alone."

"You are _not_ ," Evvy insisted. "I know these things, Severus. Just like the song says. Some things were meant to be. You'll find someone who loves you."

"Come to think of it, I sort of remember Lucy now," Snape said, glancing sideways at Sirius and Lucy; her arms were around his neck, and her head was leaning on his chest; his head was on top of hers, and his hands were on her hips. "I recognize her from Prom 1974, now she's got that hair back—even though I didn't know her by name…Black wasn't so decent with his hands back then, was he?"

"They got to second base in a closet by the end of 'Unchained Melody'," said Evvy.

"And just why did I need to know that?" Snape demanded, although he wasn't surprised.

"I was just agreeing with you," Evvy said conversationally. "They both like to take it rather…fast in relationships, you see."

"Right," Snape mumbled.

"Stop looking at them, it will only hurt you." This wasn't an order so much as it was a gentle suggestion, and Snape decided to heed Evvy's words.

After that they didn't talk much. Snape let Evvy lean her head on his chest, the same way Lucy was to Sirius. Snape didn't quite remember who Evvy had been dancing with at prom, because he had been dancing with Lily...and no matter how many women he met, including Lucy, would _Lily_ ever leave his heart? No wonder he had such a depressing outlook on life…

It wasn't long before "Can't Help Falling In Love" was over—after all, the song was only about three minutes long, although it felt a lot shorter to most of the couples. After that a much more modern, fast song started playing. The couples detached, and everyone crowded into one big pack. Snape showed signs of wanting to sit down, but Evvy wouldn't let him.

During the next song, which was also a fast song, Sirius and Harry sat down at a refreshments table to grab some punch and catch up.

"I have to thank you for sending that letter, Harry," Sirius said casually as he filled a cup with punch. "You just about saved her, you know that?"

"I did?"

"Of course," said Sirius. "When someone is a victim of the Romance Charm, they aren't themselves. They turn into someone else entirely."

"I know it," Harry told him. "She used to teach great History of Magic classes. But when Snape had her under that spell, all she did was make us read our textbook so she could stare out the window and fantasize about Snape. One time we tried to warn her not to eat or drink anything Snape gives her—you know, because we thought he was slipping her Love Potions—and she accused us of trying to split them up."

"If you ask me, the Romance Charm should be outlawed." Sirius pursed his lips and sighed. "It's not just manipulative, it's dangerous. I'm sure Dumbledore will ban it at the school—although that spell does take a talented wizard to perform, so it's not like many students would be successful if they tried it, but still…"

"I think people didn't know about the Romance Charm," said Harry. "Everyone thought Snape was giving her Love Potions. What else would the Potions Master do?"

"That's probably why he didn't do it," said Sirius grimly. "That, and it would be impractical. Love Potions wear off quite quickly. But there are only three ways for the Romance Charm to be broken—he'd have to either lift it, die, or Lucy would have to see her true love's face. I wasn't sure if she loved me after all these years, or even if she remembered me. But I did know that if she kissed Snape at the altar, that would make the spell unbreakable, even if Snape himself tried to lift it. Even if seeing my face didn't break the spell, I couldn't let her be trapped forever, and from what you said, she wasn't in love with Snape for real. Again, if you hadn't tipped me off, the results would have been tragic."

"No problem," said Harry, picturing Sirius's shocked face as he read through the letter, thinking of how his gray eyes must have widened when he read his old girlfriend's name. "I sure hope we can get your name cleared, though, so you two can be together."

"My presence hasn't seemed to alarm any of your fellow students," Sirius observed. "I think most of the student body is going to take Dumbledore's word at face value. They don't care as long as I'm not after them or the people they love. It's the Ministry we have to be concerned about."

"You look a lot better, too," Harry told him. "Evvy's Fairy Godmother Spell was amazing. Did you see the dress she gave Ginny?"

"I agree she had the perfect dress in mind." Sirius smiled.

Harry grabbed a piece of treacle tart from a tray on the table, then took a big gulp of punch. "But I have a question."

"Hmm?"

"My friends and I asked Professor Marsh if she remembered my parents from when she went to school with them," said Harry, "and she said she was friends with my mom, but she called my dad a bully. And she didn't mention you at all. Wouldn't she have said something?"

"Not if she was under the Romance Charm." Sirius shook his head and downed his punch. "Lucy was friends with your mother, yes. She was neither here nor there with James, but I imagine someone who loves Snape wouldn't be a very big fan of your father's—they didn't get along very well, you see. And she didn't mention me because the Romance Charm forbids the victim from remembering past or present lovers. She wouldn't remember _anyone_ she'd ever truly loved."

"So if you had come into the room _after_ she'd kissed Snape…" Harry munched on his treacle tart loudly. "She wouldn't have recognized you? Because seeing her true love's face can't break the spell—and she can't remember you—"

"Right," said Sirius darkly. "I might forgive Snape for what he did to her, but only because the spell didn't last. Well, that, and he managed to bring himself to help with the trial."

"I had no idea you and Professor Marsh were together, though," said Harry.

"I'm sure she'd prefer for you to call her Lucy, Harry," Sirius told him. "But yes…we met at the end of my third year when she asked me to prom. She was a fifth year then. We dated until she graduated in 1976, then for a couple years we dated other people…I honestly thought I'd never see her again."

"So you forgot about her?" Harry asked.

"You don't often forget the girl who takes your virginity," Sirius told him, grinning slightly. "But before long it was 1976, she was a graduating seventh year, I was only a fifth year taking my O.W.L.s, and we didn't think it was so practical to try and stay together, so we decided to just see other people, and we did…I was with a lot of girls after Lucy. But like I said, that doesn't mean I _forgot_ her."

"But you said you met her again—"

"I was eighteen and I'd been out of school for about a year," said Sirius. "I stopped in the Hog's Head Inn for a drink and I recognized that blue hair instantly. I bought her a drink, asked her to dinner that Saturday evening, and soon enough, it was as if we'd never even broken up in the first place. I used to take her for rides on that motorcycle of mine."

"What about when you went to Azkaban?" said Harry quietly.

"That was in 1981…so we would've been going on three years." Sirius wasn't smiling so much when Azkaban was mentioned. "But we were separated. You heard what she said about all that. When I escaped, I will say my priorities were finding you and Peter, not her. But when I read your letter, I recognized the symptoms of the Romance Charm immediately. I knew that if I didn't stop the wedding in time, my Lucy would have been gone forever. I'd lost her twice—I wasn't going to lose her again."

Harry noticed how Sirius stared across the room towards Lucy in that bridal gown that accentuated all her curves, with the long blue hair she'd apparently sported in the seventies and early eighties. There was an unmistakable look of love in his eyes.

"When you were in school with her…did you think it would last forever?" Harry asked.

Sirius suddenly looked crestfallen. After all, he may have gotten Lucy back, but there was a lot he was never going to get back—the Potters, his happy years as a Marauder, all the years he'd missed out on with his godson—and Harry wished he hadn't said anything, especially when Sirius didn't answer.

"Sorry," mumbled Harry.

"It's all right," said Sirius quietly. "The answer is, I don't know. All I do know is, those were some of the happiest years of my life. My years with your parents, my years with Lucy, my one year with you. We weren't natural caregivers, you know, James and me. We'd be looking after you when Lily was out, and you could be a handful. It was a right pain in the neck trying to get you down for your nap. James would play music on that record player he had, and I tried to tell him you didn't _like_ the Rolling Stones, and that's why you wouldn't sleep, and he asked me just how I knew…"

Harry realized that Sirius had probably volunteered to babysit him a bunch of times, even if he was a handful, and the thought made him smile a bit.

"I used to call you Prongslet," Sirius told him, and the nickname made him grin again.

"Prongslet." Harry found himself trying to stifle his laughter. " _Really._ "

"It was cute when you were a baby, but I suppose you're a bit old for that now," Sirius continued.

"Probably," said Harry, although he was secretly a little glad that Sirius had given him a nickname so much like his father's. They were silent for a bit; then they heard the last few chords of the song.

"Well, that's the song ending," Sirius said. "I'm sure Lucy will be along any minute now, it's a slow one…"

"When did you say you met her again?" Harry asked.

"The end of my third year, her fifth," Sirius replied. "Prom 1974. Lots of girls asked me to go, to be honest, but she was the one I said yes to, and we just… _clicked_ that night. Like magic."

"But when did you two…?" Harry changed his mind and shoved another treacle tart into his mouth instead, cheeks feeling hot. For a moment, he had wanted to ask Sirius a bunch of questions about what he'd said earlier—the part about Lucy taking his virginity before they had broken up. Certainly, anything he would have discussed with his father he could bring up to Sirius as well, and Sirius was no doubt qualified, but still, it was much easier to sit there cramming food into his mouth than it was to bring up such an awkward topic, no matter how curious he may have been.

"What was that?" said Sirius, but he was distracted when, just as he'd predicted, Lucy showed up at the table.

"Hello, Harry." Lucy smiled at Harry before turning to Sirius. "Aren't we going to dance now?"

"Where are my manners?" Sirius stood up and held out his hand to Lucy. "May I have this dance?"

"Oh yes, you may," she told him, smiling and leading him by the hand. Sirius waved goodbye to Harry, who sought out Ginny.

…

The dance was supposed to go until ten, because that was when the effects of Evvy's Fairy Godmother Spell would wear off, including what she had done to the Great Hall—her spell had turned it into a grand ballroom with plenty of refreshments tables and beautiful decorations everywhere.

Students started leaving around nine or nine-thirty. Eventually, at ten, only Harry, Ron, Hermione, Ginny, Sirius, Snape, Dumbledore, Lucy and Evvy remained. Harry and his friends were in their school uniforms; Sirius looked like an escaped ex-convict who had been living on rats; Snape looked like a greasy-haired man who had been attacked by a dog; Lucy's hair was short and blonde. But for an enjoyable five hours, before the Fairy Godmother Spell had worn off, they had all been great-looking.

"Harry, you and your friends get to bed," Dumbledore instructed. "Sirius, I suppose you can share Lucy's teacher's quarters, if you don't mind…Evvy, are you heading back to London tonight?"

"No, I'm probably going to stay here for a few more days," Evvy said happily. "I can't miss out on all this sisterly bonding. Professor Sprout won't mind, I'm sure."

Professor Sprout had been Head of Evvy's House, and had thus allowed her to share a dorm with some seventh-year Hufflepuff girls. Evvy had enjoyed visiting the Hufflepuff basement common room very much and reflecting on her own experiences at Hogwarts, and as for her roommates, it had been a bit strange for the teen girls to share their dorm with a thirty-four-year-old grown woman at first, but Evvy, true Hufflepuff as she was, had a knack for making friends with almost anyone, and like any older person, she had a lot of advice about life to share. Certainly, the girls would be learning the Fairy Godmother Spell at some point.

"Very well," said Dumbledore, then turned to Snape. "Severus, we can postpone it no longer…Meet me in my office, please."


	19. Aftermath

The more he thought about it, the more Snape knew that Dumbledore was right—they couldn't put off the lecture forever. But he was still worrying as he followed the Headmaster down the corridor to his office. Was he going to get yelled at? Was he going to get fired? What was going to happen?

Dumbledore sat down behind his desk, and Snape sat in the spare chair. Neither of them said anything, until finally Snape realized Dumbledore was waiting for him to speak first.

"I-I can understand if you're angry, Headmaster," Snape mumbled, staring at his lap.

"Well, Severus, I must admit I am a bit disappointed." Dumbledore's expression was unreadable. "You lied to me about Lucy, you know."

"I know. I'm sorry."

"Romance Charms will most certainly be banned at Hogwarts from now on," Dumbledore continued. "I didn't ban them earlier because I figured such an advanced-level spell wouldn't need to be banned. I now see that I was mistaken—although I must compliment you on a spell well done."

Snape could only repeat his apology: "I'm sorry."

"I'm very well aware of the effects of the Romance Charm once the caster and the victim have married," said Dumbledore. "Would you really have been happy, Severus? You wouldn't have had a wife. You would have had a prisoner. Lucy may not be obsessed with you anymore, but at least she's herself again. You knew, didn't you, that manipulating someone like that is not just? And although now you are experiencing raw, unimaginable pain, a part of you is glad that this is all over?"

Snape nodded numbly. "I considered lifting the spell…but I just couldn't."

"You should probably get to bed, Severus," Dumbledore said quietly, standing up. "You have classes to teach in the morning."

…

Harry and Ron met Hermione and Ginny early in the common room that morning, so they'd have some time to hang out before they had to get to class. They were sitting in the chairs by the crackling fire when—to their surprise—in walked Sirius, with Lucy in tow.

Sirius's hair, cut so that it fell a little bit past his shoulders, was still wet from being washed. Now he was wearing dark-green wizard's robes, and he smelled of aftershave. In his hand was a cup of coffee—everyone thought he took his coffee black, if they got the joke, but the truth was, he always liked a lot of cream and sugar.

"It feels so good to get clean after living in a cave like a heathen for so long," Sirius commented. "Lucy has the most relaxing Jacuzzi in her bathroom."

"That's not fair," said Ron, pouting. "All we get are those piece-of-crap shower stall things. How come the teachers get to have Jacuzzis?"

"Actually, the prefects' bathrooms are quite nice," said Sirius. "Remus was a prefect, and we got the password out of him. It's a great place to take a bubble bath. You also get a bath set at a discounted price from the school bookstore. And if you happen to be a fourth year or older, the bath set includes sexy lingerie."

"I was thinking of buying some, now I know you're here, Sirius," Lucy said jokingly. Today she was wearing robes in a gentle shade of lilac.

"And what could be hotter than some Ravenclaw House Pride lingerie?" Sirius said as she climbed into his lap.

"I know," said Ron. "Gryffindor House Pride lingerie."

"Not even in your dreams," said Hermione, and Ginny laughed.

"You know, this place isn't as scenic as the Ravenclaw common room," Lucy observed, "but it's still quite nice."

"Have you visited with your alma mater any?" Sirius asked.

"Of course," Lucy told him. "I love going back to Ravenclaw Tower and talking with the students. Of course, I suppose I didn't do much of anything when I was under the Romance Charm…"

"Everyone knows the story now, though, Prof—I mean, um, Lucy," said Harry. "It's not like they actually thought you loved Snape. Everybody thought he was giving you a Love Potion."

"That's a relief." Lucy sighed. "I'm a little embarrassed, to be honest. I'm glad I don't remember any of it."

"By the way, Lucy dear, has Dumbledore made plans for that meeting with Amelia Bones, do you know?" Sirius asked.

"I heard he owled her this morning." Lucy shrugged. "So I guess he should be getting a response in a couple of days. I'm sure everything will be fine. They're just lucky we didn't threaten to sue, y'know? We could have settled out of court and gotten a big bag of gold…used it to take a trip to the Bahamas…"

"Well, if it does all work out, I did have something to mention to you, Harry," said Sirius.

"What?" Harry asked.

"If everything goes through all right, my offer from last year still stands," Sirius told him. "We can file papers so that I become your legal guardian, and you'll never have to go back to the Muggles again. You're almost fifteen, so you're old enough to decide who becomes your legal guardian. You could even emancipate yourself, although I don't know why that would be necessary…"

"It's also your decision as to what happens to your aunt and uncle," Hermione added. "They're facing long sentences in federal prison for child abuse and neglect if you choose to testify against them, you know. Dudley would most likely be sent to foster care."

"See if he can blow up any aliens on his computer then," said Harry.

"Blow up what on his what now?" said Ron.

"Never mind," said Hermione.

"Well, I'd love to stay and chat, it's already almost nine in the morning," said Lucy, looking at her watch. "I have to get to class soon—and that means you four probably do too."

"Right!" Hermione grabbed her bag and stood up. So did the other three.

"I'll see you at breakfast, Ginny," said Harry. For a moment he considered giving her a goodbye kiss, but he decided she would be fine with a pat on the shoulder for now. Then they all left through the portrait hole, leaving Sirius sitting by the fire.

"Don't worry," Sirius called. "I'll keep this chair warm for you!"


	20. Stormy Weather

Harry, Ron and Hermione had Transfiguration for first period. To their relief, they didn't have Potions that day—all three of them were hoping they could put off being in Snape's class until he had cooled off a bit.

By the time they got to lunch, though, it was clear to see that not everyone was so lucky. Their first tip-off was when they walked by the huge hourglasses that held the House points, and Ravenclaw was missing an abnormally large amount of sapphires. The Gryffindor was next to the Ravenclaw table, and as Harry picked a seat next to Ginny Weasley, he noticed that a lot of them had never looked worse.

"What's wrong with all the Ravenclaws?" Hermione asked, looking concerned.

"Oh." Ginny looked sad. "Professor Marsh was a Ravenclaw, you know…"

"Let me guess," said Harry. "Snape is pissed off about Lucy, so he's taking it out on her House."

"It's true," said Ginny. "Hufflepuffs have Potions with the Ravenclaws, you know that, right? Well, I have a friend in Hufflepuff and she said Snape is being absolutely horrible to the Ravenclaws—"

"Even worse than he is to the Gryffindors?" Harry cut in.

"Yeah," Ginny replied. "Three first-years and one second-year had to be sent to Madam Pomfrey for Calming Droughts because he made them cry. Now he's taking points away from Ravenclaw House whenever he can, even if nobody's done anything wrong."

Harry glanced up at the High Table. Snape had already finished eating and left. Lucy was still there, looking relieved that he had gone. When Harry looked at the Ravenclaw table, he saw that some of them were still trying to stem the flow of tears down their faces. What had Snape done to them? After all, he knew just how mean Snape could be.

"Breakups really do hurt, you know," said Hermione. "Even if it's not really meaningful. When I was in third grade I had a 'boyfriend', but he left me. Even though now I realize I was too young to have an actual boyfriend, I was really torn up at the time. I went crying to my mother, asking her to tell me how to get back together with this boy…All she could say was, 'Not boy problems _already_.' I didn't know what she meant."

"Why did he break up with you?" said Ron, looking indignant.

"Well, he said I spent too much time doing my homework." Hermione laughed.

"You don't need him," said Ron. "You have me."

Hermione just rolled her eyes.

They were fortunate enough to not have Potions that day, Tuesday, but they did have it for first period on Wednesday, as well as Double Potions on Friday afternoons. So all three of them were nervous the next morning when they descended down the dungeon steps.

Snape glared at them when they walked in, like he was trying to burn them with his eyes. Harry knew Snape hated him for being James Potter's son, but now did he hate him for being Sirius Black's godson? Or did he hate him for tipping Sirius off? Well, it didn't matter…Harry _had_ saved Lucy, according to Sirius…

Harry and his friends were lucky they weren't Ravenclaws. When Snape taught the Slytherin/Gryffindor class, he mostly just sat at his desk and scowled at everyone. Indeed, he seemed to have been channeling his stormy feelings towards the Eagles of the school. Harry, Ron and Hermione were leaving Charms class one day to find a little Ravenclaw girl stumbling around the halls, letting out tiny sobs.

"Are you all right?" Hermione asked her, looking concerned.

"N-No," the girl told them tearfully. "W-We have P-Potions with the Hufflepuffs. When they g-get an answer right, they g-get House Points, b-but when we g-get it right, we get p-points taken away!"

"Why?!" Harry demanded.

"B-Because w-we're not s-supposed to be show-offs!" the girl wailed. "It's n-not fair!"

"Don't worry," Hermione said, giving the girl a hug. "Remember, he's not angry with you. The reason he's acting this way is because his wedding with Professor Marsh didn't work out. She was a Ravenclaw too, you know…Not that it's justified in any way, of course. We're going to have a word with the Headmaster about Professor Snape's behavior."

"Who's we?" said Ron.

"We meaning you, me, and Harry," said Hermione strictly. "Just go to your next class, okay? Things will get better soon."

"Thanks," said the Ravenclaw girl, sniffing and waving goodbye.

"I can't believe Snape," Harry complained, as soon as they were out of earshot. "Why does he have to be such a bully? That's all he is, a bully! Just because he got friendzoned by my mom when he was _fifteen_ —he's in his freaking thirties! Grow the hell up! What did he have to make her cry for?"

"Yeah!" Ron agreed. "Hermione, if you decided on someone else, I wouldn't constantly be a dick to your son, especially if he was an orphan!"

" _What?"_ Hermione looked at Ron like he was crazy.

"Never mind," said Ron, looking embarrassed. "I-I'll lead the way to Dumbledore's office, shall I?"

"Good call," said Hermione.

When they reached the office, said the password, and entered, Dumbledore was sitting there, looking tired. The first words out of his mouth were, "I know why you are here."

"Who cares?" yelled Harry. "Why don't you just give Snape the freaking can already? You let him get away with too much!"

"Harry, that is neither here nor there—"

"Would you speak English, please?!"

"I have spoken with Professor Snape, Harry," Dumbledore said calmly. Both boys looked angry, and Hermione looked concerned. "You have no idea what he is going through right now..."

"Maybe he is hurt, Professor, but does that—does that _really_ justify the way he's acting?" Hermione asked timidly.

"Very well; I shall speak with him." Dumbledore sighed. "By the way, Harry…Amelia Bones owled me back."

"What did she say?" Harry asked, suddenly anxious to hear Sirius's fate.

"Well, technically I got a response from the Head of the Wrongful Imprisonment Office, Mr. Louis Laffer," Dumbledore replied. "There will be no trial."


	21. Cold Case

"Wha—no trial?!" yelled all three at once.

"No." Dumbledore smiled. "But there may be a legal pardon."

"Don't scare us like that!" Ron said indignantly. "Besides, what does that even mean?"

"It means that Mr. Laffer is going to investigate the crime, the way it should have been investigated thirteen years ago," Dumbledore explained. "If there is sufficient evidence in Sirius's favor, Amelia Bones will pardon him, and his name will be cleared. There is no need for a trial at this point."

"Can we see?" Harry asked. Dumbledore nodded, and the three friends read Louis Laffer's letter.

 _Dear Professor Dumbledore,_

 _Upon receipt of your letter, Madam Bones has forwarded it to me. After carefully scrutinizing your request, I have decided to accept it, and my department will conduct an investigation. If Mr. Black is indeed proven innocent, Madam Bones will issue him a full legal pardon, therefore clearing him of all charges. You may expect to hear from Madam Bones by Saturday, January 7, 1995._

 _Sincerely,_

 _Mr. Louis Laffer_

 _Wrongful Imprisonment Office_

 _Ministry of Magic_

"It sounded to me as if Mr. Laffer wanted to give Sirius a chance," Dumbledore continued. "You see, he's quite new to the Ministry of Magic. The office itself was set up in early 1983, shortly after Barty-Crouch-Jr.-Gate, but Mr. Laffer has only been there since late 1989. I daresay he has not been there long enough for his mind to get too corrupted by power."

"What do you mean?" asked Ron.

"Mr. Laffer doesn't seem to have the same kind of bias some older Ministry employees may have developed," said Hermione, and Dumbledore nodded again.

…

When Harry, Ron and Hermione rushed to the Gryffindor common room after class that day, they were glad to find Sirius waiting for them there.

"You've gotten a letter back, Sirius!" Harry panted. "Read it!"

Sirius read the letter quickly once Harry handed it to him. When he put it down, his eyes looked brighter than they had in a long time as he bent down to give Harry a hug.

"Not quite in the clear just yet, but we're getting there," Sirius said happily. The group cheered. Not too long after, Ginny Weasley walked over to them with a grin on her face.

"What is this rumpus?" she asked jokingly.

"Sirius might get a pardon!" said Harry, and this time he actually did kiss Ginny on the cheek.

"The problem is," said Sirius, "the fact that we don't have Peter hasn't changed. Mr. Laffer's investigation isn't going to go very well without him. How else are we going to prove that I didn't do it?"

"I'm sure we can find something," Hermione told her. "I love watching crime shows at home, and it's surprising what you can learn about criminal law and cold cases from—wait a moment, that's it!"

"What's it?" Ron looked stumped—but then again, he had looked stumped for a long time by now.

"Sirius, where did this happen? I mean, where was it that Peter framed you?" Hermione asked.

"Somewhere around where Harry's parents used to live," Sirius told her.

"Wasn't it in a densely populated area? Busy street? Lots of shops?"

"Yeah, real busy Muggle area. I remember it was right in front of a Walgreens—"

"All right." Hermione snapped her fingers. "So we need to visit the Muggle police station in that area."

" _Why_ , though?" said Ron.

"Obviously, the Ministry of Magic thinks they solved the crime with Sirius," Hermione began. "But when the Muggle police did their investigation, they had no culprit. The case went cold for them."

"But the Ministry of Magic just told the Muggles it was a gas explosion, didn't they?" said Harry.

"And you think the police aren't going to investigate something big like that?" Hermione scoffed. "Don't you think they got a _little_ suspicious when they figured out there was no gas explosion? I guarantee you they investigated it further. So even though they never actually solved the crime, the records from that day in 1981 are still going to be in their case files—includingthe video tape surveillance from that Walgreens store, which will have recorded exactly what happened."

Ron, Ginny, and Sirius all looked confounded. Only Harry knew what Hermione was talking about.

"Just one problem, Hermione," he said. "How are we going to convince the police to give us their cold case files? We're just a bunch of kids to them."

"Well…" Hermione frowned. "We might need to see Mr. Laffer a little bit before Saturday."


	22. The Way It Hurts

Snape was furious as he walked down the corridors to Dumbledore's office; he could put two and two together! Harry Potter had ratted on him, and now he was going to be yelled at. Dumbledore hadn't fired him for using a Romance Charm on Lucy, and he was lucky enough for that…but would the cryptic old wizard show him mercy again?

Didn't ANYONE understand what was going on? Did anyone stop to think WHY he couldn't look at a Ravenclaw without wanting to break something? What was WRONG with people?

"Severus," said Dumbledore, as soon as Snape slammed the door behind him.

"I know what this is about, Professor," said Snape, trying to keep his voice calm.

"I'm afraid it's not acceptable for you to make my students cry, Severus," Dumbledore told him.

"Oh, and it IS acceptable for Lucy to just leave me in the cold like this?!" Snape snapped.

"Well, she wasn't your _property_ , you know," said Dumbledore. "You should try to be happy for them."

" _Happy_ for them?!" Snape unfortunately lost his temper then. "DO I LOOK HAPPY TO YOU?! HAVE I _EVER_ LOOKED LIKE A HAPPY PERSON TO YOU?! _NO!_ LIFE HAS FUCKED ME OVER FROM DAY ONE AND YOU'RE ASKING ME TO BE _HAPPY_ ABOUT IT?!"

"Language, Severus," said Dumbledore.

"I DON'T CARE!" Snape hollered. "NOBODY CARES! WHY DID LUCY LEAVE ME? WHY DID _LILY_ LEAVE ME? I GUESS I'M JUST THE SORT OF MAN WOMEN LIKE TO LEAVE!"

Dumbledore still looked calm. "Lost love is simply a part of life."

"I DIDN'T SEE IT HAPPEN TO SIRIUS BLACK!" It was taking all of Snape's self-restraint not to break something. "I SEE JAMES GOT TO BE THE HERO IN THE END WHILE I GOT SHUNTED TO THE SIDE! PART OF LIFE, MY ASS!"

"I'm not asking you to get over Lucy, or even Lily," the Headmaster told him. "Only to stop being cruel to the Ravenclaws. You know they did nothing. Why make them pay for what Lucy did to you? How is that fair?"

"LIFE'S NOT FAIR!"

"Severus, I hate to say it, but if you cannot comply with what I ask of you, I will have to take more drastic measures," Dumbledore told him, looking unusually strict. "You are hereby relieved of your teaching duties until you learn to leave your feelings at the door. You may remain in your teacher's quarters while you sort things out."

Suddenly, the urge to rage at Dumbledore had left Snape; he had no words. Without one look back at the Headmaster, he turned on his heel and left the office, sweeping unseeingly towards the dungeons, tears blurring his vision. Lucy was probably with Sirius Black right now, laughing about how he was going to get his name cleared, planning to get married, hoping to have a big family with lots of beautiful children while Snape died alone, as he knew he would…

Snape remembered being a third year, laying in a bed in the hospital wing with an ice pack on his head while James Potter danced with Lily, who had been _his_ prom date that year, how James had laughed as he'd wiped out in front of everyone; he remembered being a fifth year, when he made the mistake of calling her a Mudblood; he remembered seventh year, when Lily and James walked hand in hand down the corridors, how sometimes they'd just start making out in front of everyone, including him.

Now he had lost Lucy, too, not to mention his JOB. Yes, he could get his job _back_ if he got his shit together, but how could he, when his icy heart was broken? What was he supposed to do, cry like a little girl at his desk while someone else taught Potions? And who would be the substitute? Snape hadn't asked…he had been too shocked…too angry…too hurt…

As soon as he reached his teacher's quarters, which were of course also in the dungeons, he magically locked the door so that even _Alohamora_ wouldn't work, and collapsed onto the couch, trying not to break down. Dumbledore would announce that they had a new Potions Master (or Mistress) tomorrow at breakfast, and everyone would know why. They would just see Snape as a pathetic loser who couldn't take a breakup like a man—although that was probably what a lot of them already thought.

Even though Snape knew he had already hit rock bottom, life had never seemed so hopeless.


	23. Investigation

That morning, when Harry and his friends sat down to breakfast, they didn't look up at the High Table at first. They were too focused on their food. But, just as Ron had crammed two slices of bacon into his mouth at once, Dumbledore stood up; the talk died down, and heads turned.

"I have an announcement to make," said Professor Dumbledore. "Some of you who have had Potions for first period may have already noticed, but seeing as Professor Snape is currently…incapacitated, shall we say, we have a substitute Potions teacher for now."

"Oh my God!" Hermione gasped.

"It's _Evvy!_ " Ginny cried.

Sure enough, there was Evvy, sitting at the High Table, wearing canary-yellow robes and a white lily barrette in her hair, which had a black ribbon braided through it. The Slytherins did not clap, out of loyalty to their Head of House, and the Gryffindors were rather indifferent. Hufflepuff cheered wildly, for Evvy was one of their own; and Ravenclaw cheered the loudest, perhaps out of relief more than anything else.

"She's a pretty decent teacher," said a Ravenclaw girl from the next-door table. "Much nicer, at the very least. I had her for first period."

"At least she's not likely to make any of us cry," another Ravenclaw added.

"Our new Potions teacher insists that you call her Evvy, not Professor Marsh," Dumbledore continued. "I assume this is because she does not want to be confused with her sister—"

"Oh, don't be silly!" Evvy giggled. "That might be part of it, but 'Professor Marsh' just seems so unfriendly."

Slytherin grumbled. Gryffindor shrugged. Hufflepuff and Ravenclaw screamed their approval.

…

During lunch, Harry, Ron, Hermione and Ginny went to eat with Sirius instead. They asked him if he heard the news about Evvy becoming the substitute Potions teacher.

"Of course I heard," said Sirius, smiling. "Apparently she was all right in Potions. She managed to get a N.E.W.T. in the subject, and since it always confused the heck out of Lucy, she was happy to help."

"What about her job at St. Mungo's, though?" Ginny asked. "Won't they miss her?"

"She took quite a bit of time off to spend with her sister," Sirius explained. "I guess she's just going to spend it teaching too."

"Anyway, I've been meaning to tell all of you about my plan," Hermione said. "I figured after school today we could help Mr. Laffer with his investigation."

"How will we do that again?" Harry said. "You still haven't explained how we're going to get our hands on the cold case files from the Muggle police."

"I figured that maybe if we couldn't, Mr. Laffer could," Hermione explained. "I'm sure he'd be glad for us to help with his investigation. Besides, they've probably done this sort of thing before. If there's an issue, they can just modify his memory, can't they? We can get to the Ministry via a Portkey—same thing with the CPD."

"CPD?" said Ron.

"Cornwall Police Department," Hermione told him.

"Right," said Sirius. "I believe I managed to track Pettigrew down around Cornwall. You see, he was on the run after, well…you know."

"I know," Harry said darkly.

Sirius sighed. "So I'm guessing I can't come along."

"No," said Hermione. "They'd arrest you on the spot. But we'll go."

…

The Department for Magical Law Enforcement was on Level Two at the Ministry of Magic; Harry, Ron, Hermione and Ginny were all crammed into the elevator, along with a bunch of other passengers. Harry found himself squeezed tightly between Ginny and a gigantic wizard wearing a trench coat and a fedora. Luckily, the wizard got off at Level Three.

Since they knew they would eventually be amongst Muggles, the group knew they would have to dress in Muggle clothing. The students simply removed their black robes; underneath they had their school uniforms, and with Harry and Ron in slacks and Hermione and Ginny in uniform skirts, it looked fairly normal.

It was a long walk to Mr. Louis Laffer's office. It wasn't a very big office, which gave Harry the impression that the wizard's position wasn't considered to be a very significant one. _That makes sense_ , Harry thought, remembering how corrupt the Ministry was.

Finally, Hermione held her hand up to knock. They heard footsteps, the door swung open, and there stood a man who looked to be about in his early twenties, beaming at them.

"Hello!" said Mr. Louis Laffer. "What can I do you for?"

"My name is Hermione Granger," said Hermione. "You're investigating Sirius Black's case, right?"

"That I am, young lady, that I am!"

"Well, Albus Dumbledore has him in custody," Hermione continued. "I know we're just kids, but we represent Dumbledore and Harry here is Sirius's godson—"

"Oh, yes!" said Mr. Laffer. "I have great respect for Albus Dumbledore—he's on the Wizengamot, you know! And what he said in that letter makes sense—to be honest, I'm on Mr. Black's side! The only problem is, we have to get Amelia Bones on his side too so she can give him the pardon. I'm trying to find out a good place to start, but where to start if not with that scoundrel Peter Pettigrew?"

"That's why we came to see you," said Hermione. "I'm not sure if you know much about the Muggle world, but we were thinking we might work with the Muggle police—see what information they have on Sirius's case."

"What do you mean?" Mr. Laffer asked.

Hermione quickly explained her ideas to Mr. Laffer. Ron and Ginny (who had come from an old Wizarding family) still were struggling to understand, but Harry was hoping beyond hope that it wouldn't be so hard for Mr. Laffer. In a terrible way, Harry found it a bit funny that Voldemort might be one of the most powerful wizards in the world, yet he'd probably have quite a hard time with something as simple as a microwave.

"So…what do you think?" Hermione asked breathlessly.

"Well, I may be pureblood, but my wife is a Muggle-born, so I know all about this kind of thing!" Mr. Laffer said proudly. "And as such, great minds think alike! We have worked with Muggle police before, although I'm afraid we've had to wipe their memories afterwards. I don't think it's very ethical, to be honest, but it's not as if I have much of a say…"

"All right," said Hermione. "Do you think you could make us a Portkey to the Cornwall police station?"

Mr. Laffer pointed his wand at a quill sitting on his messy desk and said, " _Portus!_ "

"So now it's a Portkey?" Ron asked.

"Right you are, young man!" Mr. Laffer said.

"But you might need Muggle clothes like us before you go," Harry pointed out.

"That I will, but where shall I get them?" Mr. Laffer looked worried. "I'm afraid I'm wearing nothing but my Hufflepuff boxers underneath my robes."

"That was WAY more than I needed to hear," Ron muttered to Harry.

"Just…just go in your robes, then," Hermione told him. "As long as you have ID on you, you'll be fine."

"I have a Muggle ID," Mr. Laffer replied. "All employees of the Ministry do, in case we need to interact with them. Now, everyone touch the Portkey at the same time, remember!"

Due to taking one to the Quidditch World Cup last summer, Harry and his friends were familiar with the concept of Portkeys, and Mr. Laffer of course had used them in his life, too. Before they knew it, they were at the Cornwall police station.

When they finally got to speak with the Chief of Police, they quickly explained the situation—and the man seemed to know exactly what they were talking about.

"We still have the records," the man said seriously. At first, he had seemed a little put off by Mr. Laffer's outfit, but his "Private Investigator" ID was what had gotten him through to the cold case information. However, the Chief of Police didn't take so kindly to the kids, so he and Mr. Laffer alone headed to the interrogation room so they could watch the video.

"I'm worried," Hermione confessed. "If this doesn't go through, Sirius could go to federal prison, or even back to Azkaban."

"Well, at least federal prison isn't filled with dementors," said Harry. "And they let you shower."

"Yes, in front of just about one hundred other men," said Hermione.

"BAD MENTAL IMAGE! BAD MENTAL IMAGE!" said Ginny, closing her eyes and putting her hands over her ears, and they all laughed, despite the grimness of the situation.

It was about an hour before Mr. Laffer and the Chief of Police finally came out of the interrogation room. Mr. Laffer seemed to be shaking with fear, and the Chief of Police looked grim.

"Mr. Laffer!" said Harry. "What happened?!"

"I'll let you know as soon as we get out of here," Mr. Laffer said, lowering his voice. "For now, I need to find an object to turn into a Portkey, so we can go back to the Ministry of Magic."

Mr. Laffer turned to the Chief of Police, who began speaking to him very sternly; he was still quivering.

"I hope everything's going to be okay," Hermione whispered.

"Let's go!" Mr. Laffer said, as soon as the Chief of Police let him go, and the group rushed out onto the streets and to a back alley, where they could perform magic without any Muggles seeing them. Mr. Laffer turned an old pop can into a Portkey, and back they went.

"So? What _happened?_ " Harry demanded, as soon as they were back in Mr. Laffer's office.

"We went into the interrogation room and watched the video," Mr. Laffer explained, his face still white as a shroud, clearly in a state of shock. "I've never seen anything like it before. It…it recorded everything! I even saw Pettigrew cut his finger off! I saw him say the curse! I-I saw the Ministry of Magic…taking Sirius away…how delirious he looked as he was laughing…all those Muggles killed…street exploded…"

Mr. Laffer had to sit down; Hermione walked over and rubbed his shoulders.

"It sounds terrible," she said. "Thank goodness Sirius didn't have to watch it, too. But they let you go?"

Mr. Laffer nodded. "I told him I'd review the tape at his office and get it back to him by Saturday. I'll also have to wipe his memory—he saw magic being performed, after all."

"Why did the Chief of Police look so grim?" Ginny asked. "Why were you shaking like that? How scared _were_ you?"

"Oh, he always looks grim," Mr. Laffer said, casually flipping his hand. "And as for the shaking, that had nothing to do with the Chief of Police. I'm afraid I've simply consumed too much butterbeer on my lunch break."

…

By the time Harry, Ron, Hermione, and Ginny had taken another Portkey back to Hogwarts Castle, it was time for dinner. Before dinnertime, the kids headed up to Gryffindor Tower and filled Sirius in on everything that had happened. Sirius seemed to believe that he had a chance, and he seemed relieved.

"We'll bring you some food after we're done, okay, Sirius?" said Harry.

"I look forward to it," Sirius replied. "Meet me up in your dorm."

Once they got down to the Great Hall, the investigation was all the four of them could talk about.

"We've done all we can do," Hermione said calmly. "Now we just have to wait for Madam Bones to make the final decision. I've warned him that they can't watch the video in the Ministry of Magic, though. Muggle technology goes haywire whenever there's magic around, so I told them they would need to take it to a residential Muggle neighborhood and watch it there. Either way, she'll be able to see the evidence."

"But if she decides Sirius is still guilty…" Ginny was chewing her lip.

"There's much more evidence for him than against him," Harry assured her, and after much internal debate, he decided to comfort her by holding her hand, except he grasped it a bit too tight, and she gave him a funny look. (Harry knew he was simply awful with girls, but he didn't think there was much he could do about it.)

Once they got to the dorms, they weren't surprised to find that the room was empty, but they were surprised to find Lucy with Sirius on the floor. Sirius was in his dog form, and Lucy was apparently using him as a pillow while she ate chocolate ice cream. She was wearing sky-blue robes today, and her feet were bare; her toenails were painted pink. Every so often Sirius would lick some ice cream off her face, and she would giggle girlishly. Her hair was quite tousled.

"I see you've brought food!" Sirius said as he transformed back into a human. As soon as he did, they saw that his hair wasn't so neat either. Harry wondered what they'd been doing while he and his friends had been at dinner. Well, at least they were on the floor…

"Delicious," Lucy added, running her fingers through her hair. "Sirius told me about the investigation. I think since Mr. Laffer already believes Sirius is innocent, and Madam Bones is an unbiased person, we should get through this okay."

"Fingers crossed," said Sirius, giving Lucy a kiss on the cheek.

"After receiving both," Lucy told him jokingly, "I think I prefer human kisses to puppy kisses."

"Noted," Sirius replied, and he kissed her again.


	24. Popular Potions Mistress

Harry, Ron, and Hermione weren't quite sure what to expect when they descended the steps into the dungeons for double Potions on Friday afternoon. They knew Evvy would be their teacher, and certainly she was different from Snape.

There was one difference they spotted right away. Snape liked to wear black. Everything about him was always the color of black. There were some student theories: that he was Goth or emo; that he didn't know how to match clothing so he just chose black because it was a neutral; that he was secretly some sort of nocturnal creature and he would burn if he wore too bright of clothing. There had always been a theory that Snape could turn himself into a bat.

In contrast, though, Evvy's outfits were always colorful and bright. Today she was wearing lime-green robes, with a matching ribbon braided through her hair, and matching strappy sandals. Several buttercups were arranged delicately in her hair. She was smiling at her students, something Snape rarely did. In fact, some of the Hogwarts students wondered if his smile muscles actually worked.

"Even though I'm going to be teaching Potions until further notice, I have no intention of swaying from the curriculum Professor Snape has laid out for us," Evvy said sweetly. "Today we will be learning how to make the Wit-Sharpening Potion. Everyone find a partner, please."

"Professor Snape usually has us do independent work," said Malfoy nastily. None of the Slytherins were taking kindly to Evvy.

"Very well," said Evvy calmly. "You may work independently if you wish."

Malfoy scowled; he had obviously been expecting a fight.

"Wait until my father hears about this," he muttered to his cronies, Crabbe and Goyle.

"And what's your father going to do about it, exactly?" said Harry, who had partnered with Neville (Hermione was helping Ron). "Take it up with the Headmaster? You do know canning Snape was Dumbledore's decision, right?"

"Well…" Malfoy didn't seem to have an answer for that.

The class spent two hours of double Potions working on their Wit-Sharpening Potions. Ron and Hermione did just fine, and Hermione wasn't scolded for being an "insufferable know-it-all". Neville started to cry when his and Harry's potion turned the wrong color, but instead of scolding, Evvy actually helped them.

"Th-thank you, Professor Marsh," said Neville, wiping his eyes with a tissue Evvy conjured for him.

"Not at all, dear, not at all," Evvy replied kindly. Neville looked happy to finally leave Potions class without having a nervous breakdown. "And please, you may call me Evvy."

"That was the best Potions class we've _ever_ had," Harry was saying as they left the dungeon and separated from the Slytherins, who were saying very mean things about Evvy behind her back. "I actually enjoyed myself this time."

"Oh, come on," said Ron jokingly. "I bet you think Evvy's cute, too, don't you?"

"Well, it is a little weird to be attracted to Sirius's girlfriend, don't you think?" Harry felt heat creep up his cheeks again. "I mean, at least Evvy's single…"

"I could tell Ginny you said that, you know," said Hermione sharply.

"Oh, come on, like you don't have a teacher crush," said Ron, rolling his eyes. "You must have a secret thing for _someone_. Remember Lockhart?"

"That was two years ago!" Now it was Hermione's turn to look embarrassed.

"Either way, though, I hope she stays our Potions Mistress forever," said Ron. "And _not_ just because she's hot, but because she's actually a good teacher. I mean, Snape might be good at making Potions, but he's not good at teaching them."

"Yeah," said Harry. "Snape thinks we're bad at Potions, but he just can't teach, that's all…"

"Well, I don't know about you, but I absolutely _love_ Professor Marsh—I mean, Evvy," Lavender Brown gushed, falling into step with them. "She's like the big sister I never had. She's so sweet, so friendly, so pretty—I have to ask her how she styles those flowers and ribbons into her hair!"

"And where did she get those cute high-heeled flip-flops?" Parvati Patil added.

"Probably Madam Malkin's," said Lavender. "I bet she would take us shopping if we asked her!"

"Knowing Evvy, I'm sure she would," Hermione told her. "Lucy—you know, her sister—says clothes shopping is one of her favorite activities."

"Ours too!" Lavender and Parvati shrieked at the same time. Hermione rolled her eyes.

None of the Gryffindor students, in their eternal praise of the new Potions Mistress, noticed the former Potions Master standing by in the shadows, watching them talk, feeling disgusted with himself. When he first started his career as the Potions Master, he thought being a teacher would be different than being a student. In some ways, it was; at least he had authority. But in other ways, he saw no difference.

Bullying the students might feel good, in an awful way, but, as he had come to realize, it didn't make them _like_ him, the way they liked Evvy; he could abuse the Gryffindors from now until eternity, but that wouldn't get him what he really wanted. There was no point in Snape's life where he had been an instant hit, or at least remained that way. People still talked about him, started rumors about him, laughed at him. There was even a stupid rumor going around that there was some sort of grease-secreting monster in his hair, and that's why his hair was always so greasy.

Snape didn't really want to be around the company of any people, but he decided he'd do well to get a butterbeer in Hogsmeade. Making his way past the chattering Gryffindors, he was on his way out the school when he noticed something that made his already horrible day much worse—Sirius Black was hidden behind the statue of the one-eyed witch, and Lucy was there, too. They must have been under James's old Invisibility Cloak, because Snape couldn't see them, but he could hear them.

"It unsnaps the _other_ way, darling," Lucy was giggling.

"I know how bras work, Lucy dear…just shut up and kiss me…"

"Are you sure we won't be seen?"

"Now, what's life without a little risk?"

Snape felt an awful mixture of hatred, jealousy, rage and heartbreak wash over him all at once—all the ingredients needed to produce the salty solution that started in his eyes and soon could be tasted in his mouth. The worst potion of all, sometimes. Couldn't they at least control themselves until they got to Lucy's teacher's quarters? Evelyn Marsh had taken his job; Sirius Black and James Potter had taken his loves; now what did he have left? Just enough gold to drown Lily's memory in the Hog's Head Inn?

Head down as if walking into a gale, Snape stormed out of the castle and down to Hogsmeade, shoving strangers out of the way, black cloak billowing out behind him. By the time he reached town, his face was more or less dry, but he was just as angry, especially as people jostled him along. Hogsmeade was certainly busy on Friday afternoons. Snape's temper reached a boiling point when he felt someone smack headlong into him.

"Watch where you're going, shit-for-brains!" he snapped, knocking the stranger onto the ground.

"I-I'm…I'm sorry, sir," said the voice. It sounded like a little girl's, in an accent he couldn't quite place. Snape looked down.

There on the pavement was a young woman, maybe in her late twenties, wearing dark blue robes lined with black. Her light brown hair was in a loose ponytail, and her big brown eyes were filled with warmth—and tears. Unlike Lucy and Evvy, she wore very little makeup. Her shopping had spilled all over the street, and when she lifted her hands, Snape saw that she had scraped them all up on the pavement.

"No, um, I-I'm sorry," Snape mumbled, feeling guilty as he looked at her scraped-up hands. "Y-You're not a shit-for-brains."

The woman on the ground looked even more frightened, and the tears became more pronounced in those slightly oversized brown eyes.

"Um, th-thanks," she stuttered nervously.

"Let me help you up…" Snape avoided the woman's eyes. _Just help her up and leave her, Severus…no way are you going to let another woman into your life…NEVER!_

For one moment, the woman hesitated, then she reached out her hand.


	25. Thorns and Roses

When Snape hoisted the young woman up, he noticed that she was not very tall; maybe around 5'3", a little shorter than Evvy. She wasn't curvaceous like Lucy; in fact, she was rather skinny, and the robes hung loosely on her body. However, she wasn't bad-looking; you couldn't exactly call her hot, like Lucy, or frilly and bouncy, like Evvy. But there was just an innocent, vulnerable look about her that made Snape want to know more. Put together, the whole thing rather reminded him of a wounded animal, especially when his eyes locked with her own sweet brown ones.

"I-I'm sorry," she mumbled again. "I-I wasn't looking where I was going…"

"Let me help you with that…" Snape turned his eyes away from hers again and gathered up her shopping with his wand.

"Oh…thanks…"

"What's your name?" Snape heard himself asking, then clapped his hand over his mouth. _Don't ask her what her NAME is! Leave her alone! She probably has a boyfriend anyway!_

"M-My name is Celeste Rosseau," she blurted, looking down at the ground. "Y-Yours?"

 _Well, she ASKED for my name…I suppose I have to give it to her now…_

"I'm Severus Snape," said Snape. "There's no need to be so frightened. I'm not going to hurt you."

"Oh, I know…" Celeste's face was as red as a ripe tomato. "It's just, you know, I have all these errands to run…My roommate's a girl in trouble, still in her first trimester, so I buy ginger ale for her…she's very sick…"

"Morning sickness?"

Celeste shrugged. "Because it's always morning somewhere."

"There's a potion for that, you know," Snape told her. "She just needs to take three drops in the morning and three at night. I can brew it for you if you want…it only takes a couple days to mature…"

For the first time since Snape had met her, Celeste truly smiled; Snape was amazed at how much more beautiful it made her look.

"You're so sweet," she said shyly. "Charlene—you know, my roommate—she'll love that. Bless her, she can't even get up off the couch."

"Would you…would you like me to walk you back to your apartment?" Snape asked her hesitantly. "I'll carry the bags for you."

"At least let me carry one." Celeste's cheeks were still as red as anything, but she was smiling now.

"All right." Snape grabbed the two heavier bags, Celeste picked up the one he'd left on the ground, and she led him back to her apartment. They talked along the way.

"So…where do you live?" Snape asked.

"I work as a cashier at Honeydukes, so I live in an apartment on top of the store," Celeste explained. "What about you?"

"I'm a teacher at Hogwarts, so I live in the teacher's quarters there," Snape told her, deciding not to tell her that he'd been fired. "I'm the Potions Master."

"Wow," said Celeste. "I'm no good at Potions, but the subject was always interesting to me. I had no idea there was a potion that could help cure Charlene's morning sickness."

"Of course, it's N.E.W.T. level, but I can make just about any potion," said Snape, trying not to sound like he was bragging. "Besides, Slughorn was always very patient with the students who were bad at Potions, so he would've been nice about it anyway."

"Slughorn?" Celeste looked confused.

"Didn't you go to Hogwarts?" Snape asked.

"No, I went to Beauxbatons." Celeste smiled. "I was born in France, you see. I'm British on my mom's side, though—that's why I'm able to speak English like I do. I graduated in 1985, and around five years ago I moved to Hogsmeade."

"Do you like it here?"

"I do." Celeste smiled again. "The discount I get at Honeydukes is quite nice—and I'm sure that once Charlene gets a little further along, she's going to abuse my discount like nobody's business."

"Probably," said Snape.

Snape was so focused on Celeste's girlish smile that he barely noticed when they had reached Honeydukes. Celeste beckoned for him to climb upstairs, and they reached her apartment on Level Three. Celeste knocked once, then let herself in.

"Charlene, dear?" Celeste called. "I'm home."

They were greeted at the door by a young woman wearing a tattered pink bathrobe, holding a bottle of ginger ale. Her dirty-blonde hair was as messy as anything, and there were dark circles under her eyes, but they were also a bit red, as if she had been crying. Snape watched her cautiously.

"Celeste?" Charlene mumbled.

"What's wrong, honey?" Celeste cried, and next thing you know Charlene had collapsed in her arms, sobbing. "Tell Celeste what's wrong."

"You know what's wrong!" Charlene wailed. Snape noticed she had a rather thick New York accent.

"No, not Jim again, Charlene," Celeste moaned, but Charlene nodded, crying too hard to speak. Snape felt awkward.

"Who's Jim?" asked Snape, and as soon as the words escaped his mouth, he wished they hadn't. Charlene let out a sort of howl and collapsed onto the floor. Snape felt like he had never seen anything more pitiful.

"Jim is a scoundrel who left Charlene all on her own with only her friend Celeste to care for her," Celeste said angrily. "I don't think his name should be mentioned in his household."

"I-I called him today, Celeste," Charlene moaned. "Or I tried to, but…oh, Celeste, he's changed his number!"

"I'm telling you, Charlene, your baby is no child of his," Celeste said strictly. "Remember? You and I are going to look after the baby together. I _promise_."

Celeste pulled Charlene into a standing position and hugged her close, rocking her until she finally stopped crying. Snape didn't even realize he was staring. For one split second, Celeste reminded him of what he'd loved about Lily Evans—Lily had seen roses where others saw only thorns. _So much love_ , Snape thought as he observed the women, _in such a small package_.

It was only after she'd stopped crying that Charlene noticed Snape.

"Who's this?" she asked.

"This is Severus Snape, honey," said Celeste. "I met him when I was doing the shopping in Hogsmeade—and he has good news for you."

"Wha—oh, right," said Snape, remembering the potion. "You see, I'm the Potions Master at Hogwarts, and I can brew you a potion that will make your morning sickness go away in a heartbeat. All you need to do is take three drops in the morning and three at night."

For the first time, Snape saw light in Charlene's gray eyes. "Oh…thanks!"

"Listen, I'll be right back," said Celeste. "I'm going to start putting the shopping away."

"You do that," said Snape. Once he was sure she was out of earshot, he whispered to Charlene, "Is she, y'know…seeing anyone?"

"No." Charlene shook her head. "She'll never get a boyfriend, she's too shy. Like a newborn fawn. Beats the hell out of me how _you_ managed to make your way here without scaring her off. I mean, no offense, bro, but you're dressed like you're headed to a funeral."

Snape did not know how to respond to this information, so he just mumbled, "Not that I asked…"

"Know what's fun?" Charlene smirked. "Ask her if she's scored any guys recently. You should see her blush. It always helps when I need a laugh."

Snape did not find that particularly amusing, but he did find it kind of…sweet. When Celeste came back out of the apartment's tiny kitchen, Snape found himself giving her a smile. Even if he couldn't let a woman into his heart for real, at least they could still be friends, right?

"I suppose I should be heading back to the school now," Snape told Charlene and Celeste. "How about I drop by on Sunday with the potion?"

"That would be just wonderful." Charlene sighed in relief, sinking onto the second-hand couch.


	26. Hufflepuff in the Dungeons

As soon as he got back from Celeste's apartment, Snape began to make the potion that would cure Charlene. It was an advanced potion that took immense concentration, hard-to-find ingredients and a couple days to be thoroughly done. Luckily, if he started right now, he would have it ready by Sunday, and all the ingredients he needed were in his office.

The first thing Snape needed to put in his cauldron was bat blood, which was kind of gross, but then, most Potions ingredients were gross (armadillo bile? really?). Snape had only made this potion once before, and that was when he was a seventh year getting his Potions N.E.W.T. But luckily, he had a good memory for Potions. After he poured in the bat blood, he began cutting up some ginger roots, stirring the bat blood every so often. It would need to be stirred for ten minutes.

Two hours later, Snape was getting along quite well. Almost all the ingredients had been added to his cauldron, and he had just two more to add—goosegrass and eel eyes. Snape was stirring the potion, Celeste's face flitting in and out of his mind, when he heard high-pitched humming and footsteps coming down the dungeon steps. _Evvy_ , dammit…

Evvy stopped cold once she reached Snape's office where he was brewing the potion. She sniffed the air, stared at Snape's concoction for a minute, and then demanded to know, "Is that Necpuervomitum?"

"Um, yes…" Snape had to admit, he was impressed that Evvy knew the name of the potion…but then again, she _was_ the replacement Potions Mistress, and she _did_ she work in a maternity ward, so of course she would know—

Snape had never seen the color drain so quickly from someone's face.

" _What have you done with my sister?!"_ Evvy shrieked.

"Evelyn, I do wish you wouldn't jump to conclusions!" Snape snapped. "This isn't for Lucy! I'm not _that_ horrible of a person!"

"Oh really?" Evvy sounded breathless.

"Yes! Really! I swear, it's not for Lucy!" Snape said, throwing in the goosegrass. "Besides, even if it was, wouldn't you presume that _Sirius_ was the father?"

"No, I wouldn't," said Evvy.

"Are you kidding?! They're all over each other!"

"Well, yes, but he's only been here a week," said Evvy, hoisting herself up so that she was sitting on Snape's desk. "If they _did_ somehow conceive, the symptoms wouldn't have shown up yet. And there'd be almost zero chance of her getting pregnant anyway unless she was ovulating, and even then it would barely have had time to implant in the uterus, so—"

"All right, that's _enough!"_ Snape yelled, and Evvy rolled her eyes. "It doesn't matter, because like I said, this potion is not for Lucy."

Evvy leaned back and crossed her legs. "If it's not for Lucy, then who's it for?"

"It's just for a friend of mine." Snape glared at Evvy, not wanting to tell her about Celeste.

"Ooh, a friend, huh?" Evvy said suggestively. "Too bad she's married."

"She's not married," said Snape, adding in the eel eyes. "Her boyfriend left her once he got the news."

"That's awful," said Evvy. "How is she going to look after the baby, then?"

"Well, um, she's got a roommate," said Snape, feeling heat coming to his cheeks again.

"I _see_." Evvy was grinning. "Pretty girl, is she, Severus?"

"Evelyn!" said Snape. "Stop it!"

"You can tell Mama Evvy about your love life," Evvy cooed. "Maybe I can give you some pointers. Who is this roommate, now?"

"Never you mind!"

"You know, you're blushing, Severus," Evvy giggled. "Simply adorable, that's what you are."

"Stop that at once or I will throw you out of here!" Snape hollered.

"You can't!" Evvy's smile was huge. "Because now that I'm the Potions Mistress, this is my office too. So we might as well become friends."

"Hufflepuffs!" Snape said in exasperation. "You just want to be friends with _everyone_ , don't you?!"

"Of course," said Evvy, like it was obvious.

"Well, has anyone ever told you it's rude to pry?" Snape demanded. "Stop asking me for information about Celeste!"

"Um, who?" said Evvy, raising one eyebrow.

"No one," Snape grumbled, feeling as though his face was on fire. How could he have let Celeste's name slip out?

"I guess you're right about prying." Evvy shrugged. "But that's such a beautiful name. It's French, isn't it?"

"Yes, she's half-French herself," said Snape. "On her father's side. But the name fits…I think a beautiful girl should have a beautiful name."

"See, if you said more stuff like that, I'm sure she'd fall for you," said Evvy. "Or be disgusted, depending on her personality. But she would probably think it's romantic."

"I didn't know I could be romantic," Snape said distantly.

"Well, you can if you love her," Evvy replied lightly.

"But that's the thing, Evelyn," Snape told her slowly. "I-I don't want to get hurt again, that's all…I'm afraid that if I let myself fall in love with Celeste, she'll just leave me for someone else. I don't think I could take it."

Snape was surprised at how easy Evvy was to talk to, if you got over her initial annoyingness.

"I can understand why you'd think that way," said Evvy. "I mean, you've already been hurt, right? And that sucks…but what if by avoiding her, you lose something big? You don't know what this could become."

"B-But I don't want to take the risk," Snape said hoarsely as he stirred the potion. "I don't want to get hurt again, that's all."

"Well, how about this?" Evvy let out a heavy sigh. "I know it might sound a little sappy, but…you have to let your heart decide this one, Severus."

"What?" said Snape.

"I mean, if you find yourself falling, don't try to hold back," said Evvy. "But don't rush into something crazy either. Take it slow, but take it steady. That's what I think you should do."

"Maybe." Snape shrugged. Evvy's words sounded like good advice. Besides, it made sense to get advice about women from an actual woman. "Thanks, Evelyn."

"No problem." Evvy smiled and got up off the desk. "And _now_ I'll get out of your greasy hair."


	27. Saturday

Say what you will about Albus Dumbledore, but when it came to teachers' accommodations, he was quite generous. Each teacher got a sort of one-bed, one-bath sort of mini-apartment to live in, usually right near their office. Each apartment had a sort of drawing room, with a kitchenette in the corner, and, down the hall, a bedroom and full bathroom.

This particular Saturday morning, Sirius Black and Lucy Marsh were in a deep sleep in the bedroom in Lucy's double bed, arms wrapped around each other, when they were awoken by a loud pounding at the apartment door.

"Will you get that, Lucy dear?" Sirius asked groggily.

"No way," said Lucy. "My makeup's not on, my hair's a mess, and I'm wearing nothing but this lovely Ravenclaw House Pride lingerie you bought for me the day you got here."

"Oh, all right," said Sirius, getting out of bed and putting on his bathrobe. "I'll be back."

"Shut the door on your way out, will you, darling?" Lucy called. Sirius smiled and shook his head.

Sirius padded down the hall until he reached the door that led to the drawing room. After that he made his way over to the door that opened into the apartment, where their visitor was still knocking. When he opened the door, he looked down and was surprised to see a pajama-clad Harry waiting there.

"Morning, Sirius," said Harry, who was grinning.

"Bit early, isn't it, Prongslet?" Sirius yawned, running his hands through his long hair.

"Not really," Harry told him. "It's almost nine in the morning."

"Is it?" Sirius looked at his wrist, as if to check a watch.

"It is," said Harry. "Where's Lucy?"

"Ah, you know how women are…" Sirius casually slumped down on Lucy's couch and beckoned for Harry to join him. "She doesn't want anyone seeing her before she's washed her hair and done her makeup."

"But you see her every morning," Harry pointed out.

"Well, I imagine she knows that I don't expect her to look perfect the moment she wakes up," Sirius said matter-of-factly. Before Harry could analyze this in his mind, Sirius asked, "What brings you here so early, anyway?"

"You got an owl from Mr. Laffer," said Harry, pulling the letter out of his bathrobe pocket.

Sirius seemed to wake right up. "You're kidding me! What's it say?"

"Read it!" Harry handed the letter to his godfather, who read it out loud.

 _Dear Mr. Potter,_

 _Madam Bones and I have reviewed the CPD's evidence last night, and we are thrilled to report that your godfather has been pardoned. Madam Bones should be sending Professor Dumbledore the pardon sometime around noon today, but I just wanted to send you this early letter so you have time to plan the party. Have a wonderful weekend and thanks for all your help!_

 _Sincerely,_

 _Louis Laffer_

 _Wrongful Imprisonment Office_

 _Ministry of Magic_

"This is great!" said Sirius, pocketing the letter. "How a place as corrupt as the Ministry of Magic ever hired someone like him, I'll never know, but I'm sure glad they did."

"Me too," Harry agreed, then paused. "Say—do you mind if I try out the Jacuzzi before I get out of your hair?"

"Not at all," said Sirius. "It's right across the hall from the bedroom."

…

Harry and Sirius didn't tell the others about Mr. Laffer's letter; they wanted to keep it a surprise. (When Lucy asked what Harry wanted, Sirius just told her he wanted to try the Jacuzzi, conveniently forgetting to mention the letter.) By the time Harry got back to his dorm, Ron was awake and messily eating a bag of potato chips.

"Where you been, mate?" he asked. "It's quarter to ten!"

"I was using Lucy's Jacuzzi," Harry explained. "Sirius was right. It's very relaxing."

"Do you think she'd let me use it?" Ron asked him excitedly. "Mom gave me some great bubble bath for Christmas—"

"You're fourteen years old and your mom sent you _bubbles?"_

"Well…yes," said Ron, his ears turning red. "Along with the maroon sweater, of course…"

"Can I bum a potato chip?" said Harry. Ron held out the bag, and Harry took one. Right now, he was bursting to tell Ron the news of the letter, but he couldn't…it had to be a surprise!

"I bet Sirius and Lucy went in that Jacuzzi together," said Ron knowingly.

"They did not!" said Harry.

"How would you know?" Ron raised his eyebrows and stuffed a bunch of potato chips into his mouth. "It must get lonely in Azkaban, don't you think?"

" _Ron!"_

"I did my waiting!" Ron yelled dramatically. "Twelve years of it! In Azkaban!"

"That's _not_ what he was waiting for!" Harry yelled, but this time he was laughing too, and he socked Ron with his pillow. Ron hit him back, knocking him onto the floor, and soon there were feathers everywhere.

Only a few minutes later, Hermione walked in. She was already dressed, and she rolled her eyes when she saw her two best friends, still in their pajamas and having a pillow fight.

"You two are such children," she said.

"Well, good morning to you too, Hermione," said Ron, dropping his pillow on Harry's head. Harry put on his glasses, which had been knocked off his head.

"I just wanted to remind you, breakfast ends at eleven on weekends, so you better get your rears in gear."

"All right, I'll be down in a minute, Hermione," said Harry. "Shower's all yours, Ron."

…

By noon, Harry was with his friends in the common room, certain that Sirius would drop by with Lucy any moment with the good news. Sure enough, it wasn't long before Sirius climbed through the portrait hole, an ecstatic Lucy in his wake.

"Guess what we got?!" Lucy shrieked.

"What?" said Harry innocently, and Sirius winked at him.

"Sirius has been pardoned!" Lucy looked happier than ever before. "Read the letter!"

 _Dear Professor Dumbledore,_

 _My colleagues and I have reviewed the evidence presented to us by the Cornwall Police Department and have decided to issue you a full legal pardon. Sirius Black is no longer in possession of a criminal record. Please give him the attached legal pardon and instruct him to keep it for his records._

 _Best wishes,_

 _Amelia Bones_

 _Department of Magical Law Enforcement_

 _Ministry of Magic_

"Now look at the pardon," said Sirius, showing them an official-looking document.

 _ **TO WHOM IT MAY CONCERN:**_

 _ **WHEREAS, Sirius Orion Black was sentenced on or about November 2, 1981, for Mass Murder, in Cornwall, West Country, Great Britain; and**_

 _ **WHEREAS, Sirius Orion Black has made a written application to Mr. Louis Herman Laffer, the Head of the Wrongful Imprisonment Office, a Subdivision of the Department of Magical Law Enforcement, for a Pardon for the aforesaid offenses, and the Wizengamot, upon request of Mr. Laffer in accordance with the Law, has made an investigation of the facts and circumstances surrounding said application for a Pardon; and**_

 _ **NOW, THEREFORE, I, AMELIA BONES, Head of the Department of Magical Law Enforcement, by virtue of the authority conferred upon me by the Ministry of Magic, do hereby grant Sirius Orion Black a full and free Pardon for all criminal charges and indictments arising from the arrest occurring November 2, 1981 to include all aforesaid crimes, and this order is applicable solely to said criminal charges and indictments, and no other.**_

 _ **IN TESTIMONY WHEREOF I have hereunto set my hand and caused the Great Seal of the Ministry to be affixed this eighth day of January, nineteen-ninety-five.**_

 _ **AMELIA BONES**_

 _ **DEPARTMENT OF MAGICAL LAW ENFORCEMENT**_

 _ **MINISTRY OF MAGIC**_

"All this legal gobbledygook!" said Ron. "I will _never_ be a lawyer."

"While we're still on the topic of paperwork, though, Harry," said Sirius, "we may want to file for adoption sometime soon."

"Yes, but the Ministry doesn't handle such things, especially because Harry's current legal guardians are Muggles," said Hermione. "So he's going to need to get a Muggle lawyer, take it to Muggle court, and Sirius will have to sign a lot of Muggle paperwork."

"I guess I'll have to go to Gringotts, then, too," said Harry. "Get some of my parents' gold converted into Muggle money so we can pay for the lawyer—"

"Don't be silly, Harry," said Sirius. "We'll be taking the gold out of my account."

"Just so you know, anything court-related is really expensive," said Harry tentatively.

"I don't care," said Sirius loftily. "On only one condition—you must help me figure out Muggle money."

"Remind me again why Muggle Studies is an elective and not a core class?" said Hermione.

"Besides, Sirius." Harry grinned. "We'll get all that money back anyway when we settle against the Dursleys, remember? With any luck, Uncle Vernon will have to sell the house. At the very least, he won't be able to give as many presents to that spoiled-rotten Dudley."

"That is, if he and your aunt can keep their abusive asses out of federal prison," Lucy added. "Most likely they'll only get charged with a misdemeanor, but they'll still face justice—even though in my opinion, all child abuse and neglect should be considered a felony! How could anyone do such a terrible thing to an innocent child?"

Harry was a bit embarrassed at being referred to as an innocent child, but he knew Lucy meant well, so he awkwardly thanked her for being so caring.

"Yes, thank you, and that reminds me," said Sirius. "I had a question for you, Lucy dear."

"Go ahead," Lucy cooed.

"Do you think Harry and I are going to need a woman around the house?" Sirius asked her, grinning.

"Oh, Sirius are you—are you asking me to move in with you?" Lucy cried.

"I sure am," said Sirius. "I reckon we could probably rent a two-bedroom flat in London or somewhere. Of course, you'd stay at Hogwarts during the school year, but over the summer, would you like to live with me and Harry?"

"That would be wonderful!" Lucy grabbed Sirius's shoulders and kissed him on the lips.

"As long as it's all right with you, Harry, of course," Sirius added once he and Lucy were finished kissing, and Lucy nodded.

"Oh…well…" Harry thought about how different his living situation would be. Waking up every morning with Lucy cooking breakfast, Sirius reading the _Daily Prophet_ , having a nice big bedroom while Sirius and Lucy had the other (hopefully they'd keep it down at night)…would it be…would he finally know what it was like to have two parents who loved each other, and who loved him too?

But the thing was…Harry knew Sirius well by now, and trusted him. But up until the last week, Harry hadn't really thought of Lucy has much more than his fairly attractive History of Magic teacher. Was she going to be his mom now? Harry might have seen Sirius as a sort of father/brother mixture, but he couldn't see Lucy as a replacement for his poor deceased mother…even if she was living with them…Good Lord, what if she wanted him to _call_ her "Mom"? Probably not, but—

"Harry?" Hermione was heard saying. "Are you all right?"

"Is it okay if I move in?" Lucy added softly.

"Um, yeah, of course," said Harry, but his voice was hoarse, and Sirius frowned. Suddenly, the happiness of the day had evaporated.

"We'll…try to get that arranged, then," said Lucy awkwardly.

"Listen, I've got some urgent homework assignments to work on," said Harry, heading for his dorm.

"What? You do?" Ron got up to follow Harry, but Hermione shook her head and held him back.

…

Turns out Harry had a lot of urgent homework assignments, but he wasn't in the mind to actually do them. There was nothing wrong with Lucy. Harry liked her. Of course, Harry couldn't remember his birth mother—although from what he'd been told, she had loved him very much. Sirius was going to adopt him, and Sirius's true love was moving in too…which would basically be like having a mom again, right? Yes…it would. So why did the thought of it make him feel ill? Shouldn't he be feeling happy about this?

Harry was pulled out of his tangled thoughts by a knocking at the door. When he didn't get up to answer it, Sirius let himself in.

"I'm sorry," Harry said, lying on his back, looking up at the ceiling.

Sirius sat down on the edge of the bed and didn't say anything for a long time. Harry was surprised his godfather had come to see him, to be honest. Sirius didn't like to pry, and he generally let Harry come to him with problems. True, sometimes Harry wished Sirius _would_ pry, but he normally didn't. So this must be important.

"What're you sorry for?" Sirius said quietly.

"F-For being rude to Lucy."

"I don't think her feelings were hurt." Sirius sighed. "She just…wanted to know _why_ —I mean, why you didn't want her to move in."

"But I _don't_ mind her moving in!" Harry insisted.

"Well, you certainly looked like you minded," said Sirius, glancing over at Harry.

"Look, I know I should be happy, and I am," Harry was saying helplessly. "B-But I'm…but I'm sort of not…and that…that probably doesn't make sense at all, does it?"

Sirius was frowning, but he just shrugged, like he didn't know quite what to say. "It…it might."

"I-I know I should be happy about it…" Harry was shocked to feel tears burning in his eyes, so he kept staring at the cracks in the ceiling, as if memorizing them, hoping Sirius wouldn't notice. "About Lucy being my new mom, I mean…I-I don't know, I'm just so confused...

"I mean, I remember my aunt—the way she treated my cousin—when he was sick, she'd make him chicken soup, or she'd make _me_ cook it, but if _I_ got sick I'd have to look after myself…and she'd write notes in his lunch bag, but I'd just get leftovers…" Harry didn't realize he was wiping his eyes with his sleeve. "There was that time…when I was only five…my stupid cousin got his own shiny new bike…and I didn't get one, and I was so jealous…and he'd pretend to cry a lot, which was annoying, but she'd hug him every time he did until he stopped, and they give him a birthday party every year, even though I never got as much as a bedtime story."

"Harry—" began Sirius, putting one hand on his godson's knee. "Hey—Prongslet, listen—"

But at the sound of the nickname, much to his horror, Harry lost control of the tears threatening to spill over in his eyes: _"I don't want a new mom!"_

Sirius was feeling rather alarmed; this was the first time he'd seen Harry come close to crying since he was a baby, and that had been because he had a dirty diaper. This seemed a lot more worrying, and Sirius had no idea what to do. All he knew was that he hated Harry's relatives for doing this to him. Neglect seemed just as bad to him as outright abuse, maybe even worse, this being the result.

"I used to have a flying motorcycle," said Sirius helplessly, remembering the part about the bike. "I can let you have a go on that once you get a bit older—"

"Oh, it's not about the bike, Sirius!" Harry was still crying. "It was everything they did for him!"

Sirius bit his lip in worry, then something else Harry had mentioned hit him— _And he'd pretend to cry a lot, which was annoying, but she'd hug him every time he did until he stopped…_

 _Well, I hope this is all right_ , thought Sirius, scooping Harry off the bed and tentatively holding out his arms, then pulled his godson into a hug. Sirius's robes were soaking wet from where Harry had cried, but he didn't mind. Eventually Harry calmed down, and Sirius spoke again after a long silence.

"Harry, listen to me, please," Sirius said firmly, grasping both Harry's hands and looking into his eyes. "If you really, honestly won't resent her for it, Lucy can move in with us, and she'll help look after you—but in no way does that mean she has to take the part of your mother. I knew Lily, Harry, and nobody could _ever_ replace her. James, either. That's the way it should be."

"B-But she's adopting me too, sort of," Harry said shakily.

"So what?" said Sirius. "Lucy was friends with Lily too, you know. I seriously doubt she would ever try to replace her. Lucy would gladly just be your favorite aunt or something. It's not as if she has much competition."

"Lucy could be my aunt, I suppose." Harry shrugged; his voice was quiet. "But I don't…I know it sounds crazy, but…it's like I miss two people I don't even really remember."

"No, I know what you mean," said Sirius solemnly. "But I see parts of James and Lily in you every day. Make no mistake, it's horribly unfair that you got so little time with each other…but they live on inside of you, and they always will."

"Thanks," Harry mumbled, and this time he was the one to initiate the hug. "Tell Lucy I'd love for her to move in. We _will_ need a woman around the house."

"You ever seen a flat that lacks a woman's touch? It's not a pretty sight," said Sirius, and they laughed.


	28. Sunday

By Sunday morning, the Necpuervomitum was finished. Snape held out a beaker of the potion. It was an odorless and tasteless potion (because too many pregnant women had smell and taste aversions), and it was dark purple, almost black. It had the consistency of ice water, and it was about the same temperature as hot chocolate.

Evvy insisted that she tag along to Celeste's apartment, claiming that she needed to "do damage control". Snape let her come along, because he was feeling nervous and wanted backup. She was the one who knocked on the door, which was opened by Celeste.

"Oh, thank goodness you're here, Severus!" Celeste looked as if she had just seen an angel. "Charlene has been simply awful today! Who's your friend?"

"Evelyn Kristin Marsh, at your service," said Evvy, showing Celeste her ID. "I deliver babies at St. Mungo's, and I thought I might be able to help your roommate feel a bit better—give her some pregnancy tips from an expert."

"How wonderful!" Celeste cried. "Charlene, Severus is here with the potion—and he's brought a Healer!"

Charlene staggered out of the bathroom, looking horribly nauseous. "Good."

"She's been throwing up all morning, bless her," Celeste told Evvy hurriedly. "I'm worried she won't be able to nourish the baby because she can't keep any food down."

"The potion should be able to help with that," said Evvy. "Do you have anyone monitoring the pregnancy?"

"Well…no," Charlene admitted weakly.

"I'll do it for you," Evvy said confidently. "I'll have regular appointments with you from now on, okay? How far along are you?"

"I don't know," Charlene told her. "I just took a test once I started getting symptoms."

"When was your last period?" Evvy asked.

"Um, I think November?"

"So you're about eight or nine weeks along," said Evvy. "I'll help you keep track of this stuff from now on—and we can start by taking your potion. Severus said three drops in the morning, three at night. Didn't you, Severus?"

"Right," said Snape, walking over to Charlene and handing her the beaker. "Put three drops in a glass of water. By evening the nausea will still be there, but you'll be able to keep food down. By tomorrow morning, there won't be any nausea. Tell me if you need a new beaker, even though I don't think it'll run out."

Charlene took her potion, and settled down on the couch for a nap. Evvy put a blanket on top of her.

"Well, I suppose you'd better be going," said Celeste, but Snape thought he caught something in her brown eyes—was it disappointment? Did she _like_ having him over? Could it be?

"Now, now," said Evvy. "Why don't you two do something together?"

"Like what?" Celeste asked shyly.

"Get a drink or something," Evvy told her. "First I'll do a little something for you."

"Oh…I think you'll enjoy this, Celeste," said Snape; he thought he knew what Evvy was going to do.

"I'll enjoy what?" Celeste asked, but before long, Evvy had zapped her. After the Fairy Godmother Spell had been performed, her soft brown hair was curled, with a white ribbon. She was wearing white robes with gold lining, and they were a little tighter on her, but not too tight, giving her a little more of a figure. Her nails were perfectly manicured. She wore beautiful gold jewelry.

"You look…you look beautiful, Celeste," Snape said in shock.

"What did you do, Evvy?" Celeste asked.

"That's my Fairy Godmother Spell," Evvy explained. "I can give anyone an instant makeover. It only lasts for five hours, though."

"It looks great!" Celeste was beaming, in spite of the fact that her cheeks were very red. "But…why did you do it?"

"Just so you'll look your best when you go out with Severus!" Evvy winked. "I suggest you go to Madam Puddifoot's—that's where I always took my dates."

Snape felt nervous. There might be Hogwarts students there, and the last thing he needed was more gossip…besides, that place reminded him so much of Lucy…what was he going to do?

"Well, I don't know," Celeste said, smiling. "To be honest, I'd rather pick up some drinks to go at The Three Broomsticks and do a bit of window shopping. You know, just walk around, see what's going on…"

"I'd love to!" cried Snape. That sounded a lot more interesting than just getting a drink.

Celeste positively glowed.

…

After the two of them had ordered their butterbeers, Snape and Celeste set off along the streets of Hogsmeade. They looked at everything, and Snape was glad to have something to do with both his hands and his feet (he wondered if that was why Celeste had suggested it, too). They looked at the Shrieking Shack, they went inside all the shops, they had fun, and most of all…they talked.

"This butterbeer is delicious," said Celeste. "I love living in Hogsmeade."

"What was it like at Beauxbatons?" Snape asked.

"To be honest, it wasn't that great," Celeste admitted. "I mean, I learned a lot of stuff. But I wasn't all that popular. I didn't have any real friends. Pathetic, huh?"

"Not that pathetic." Snape couldn't help but smile a bit.

"For a long time, the boys would ask the popular girls if they had the homework assignments," Celeste continued. "And they would always say they didn't, and I would always say, 'Hey, _I've_ got the homework assignment', and they would ignore me. It took me until I was fourteen to realize it wasn't about the homework."

"I was a lot like that," said Snape. "Always helping cute girls with their Potions homework, right? But the joke's on them. You're a great person."

Celeste blushed. "You are, too."

"Thanks," Snape told her, and they walked in silence for a bit. Snape's stomach jumped as he wondered if she would want him to hold her hand. Would it be romantic? Or would it scare her? Charlene had described her as a "newborn fawn"…Celeste didn't seem very forward in relationships like Lucy was, or a flirt like Evvy. What was she?

"Being a teacher must be amazing," Celeste continued. "Giving students the gift of education…"

"It's…it's all right," said Snape, but he was still thinking about holding Celeste's hand. Finally, even though he was shaking with nerves, he grasped her hand, trying to be gentle. Celeste looked over at him in surprise, so he let go and apologized.

"No, I don't mind." Celeste looked timid, but she grasped Snape's hand anyway.

Snape noticed how her hand was warm, as if she had been holding it near a fire. She smelled sweet, like lavender; her big brown eyes were shy, but innocent and trusting, and her white dress robes fit perfectly.

"You really do look great," Snape told her as they walked along peacefully, hands clasped.

"Thanks," Celeste replied, but as if on cue, her dress robes seemed to melt away, and she looked the same way she did when Snape and Evvy had first entered the apartment.

"The spell broke!" Snape said in astonishment.

"Doesn't it take five hours to wear off?" Celeste looked confused.

"We must have spent more time together than we thought," Snape told her, feeling a smile spread across his face.

"Time flies when you're having fun," Celeste added sweetly, and they continued with their first date.


	29. Blue Diamonds and Smoking Broomsticks

**AUTHOR'S NOTE: Wow, I'm sorry I haven't posted a chapter in such a long time! Well, for those of you who were eagerly awaiting the next installment of AMARE LEPORUM, your wait is finally over! FOR NOW! *cackle***

…

On Monday, Lucy was teaching History of Magic all day. Harry and Ron had mostly morning classes that day, while Hermione had her favorite subject, Arithmancy, in the afternoon, too. Harry and Ron ended with Ancient Runes and headed to the common room, while Hermione went on to class. When they got there, of course Lucy was still teaching, and there were a few older students smattered around the common room. Sirius was waiting for them.

"Hi," he said. "Where's Hermione?"

"She's still got Arithmancy," said Ron.

"What have you got there?" asked Harry. Sirius's hand was clenched in a death grip around something in his pocket, but it didn't appear to be his wand. At his godson's words, Sirius suddenly looked nervous.

"Well, you could say I'm…trying to make a decision, a very important decision, and I can't make up my mind," Sirius explained. "Maybe you two could help."

"I doubt it," said Ron. "We're not so good at making decisions for ourselves…much less others."

"Then can you at least tell me what you think?" Sirius asked.

"Sure." Harry shrugged. "What are you trying to decide?"

"This will explain things better than I can," said Sirius, and he finally withdrew whatever it was he had from his pocket—it was a black velvet box, and when he opened it, Harry and Ron were amazed to see a beautiful blue diamond engagement ring.

"You mean you're going to—" Ron's mouth had fallen open in shock.

"Propose, yes." Sirius nodded. "Or, at least, I've been thinking about it."

"How long?" said Harry incredulously.

"Since my name got cleared, and we decided we'd all be living together," said Sirius. "Yesterday I went to a jeweler in Diagon Alley and got this wonderful ring. Now I have to decide whether or not to even do it—and if I do, I have to think of an interesting way to propose—something she'll remember."

"Well, you should ask Hermione about that," said Ron.

"She's the one who understands how female brains work," added Harry.

"I know how female brains work," said Sirius. "That's my area of expertise. But I _don't_ know how Lucy is going to react."

"I'd go ahead and do it, you know," Harry told him. "I mean, you're already going to be living together, aren't you? And then there's the tax benefits…"

"Even so, I don't know how I'm going to do it," said Sirius. "It has to be special."

"My dad's wasn't all _that_ special," said Ron. "The way I hear it, he had some Muggle-born friend of his make one of those—what was it they used to prove you innocent, Sirius?"

"You mean a videotape?" said Harry.

"I guess," said Ron uncertainly. "Well, he had a friend of his make one or something like that…I don't actually know, this Muggle stuff is really confusing."

"Most likely, he recorded himself proposing, knowing him," said Harry. "I'm sure your mom thought it was charming enough."

"Maybe," said Ron, but he still looked confused.

"How did my dad propose?" Harry asked Sirius eagerly.

"Now, that's a story." Sirius laughed. "James somehow managed to enchant his broom so that it would make smoke out of the end when he flew it. So he called Lily outside, and he flew all around in the sky until the smoke had spelled the words, 'Evans, Will You Marry Me?' But then the smoke kind of got out of control, and he nearly fell off his broom. She was laughing, and he landed the broom quickly. It was my job to keep the ring safe while he was flying so it wouldn't fall out of his pocket or anything. So I gave it to him, he gave it to her, and she said yes."

"Do you remember the incantation?" said Harry, thinking it might—just _might_ —come in handy someday.

"It was a spell he invented himself, so I'm not completely sure," said Sirius apologetically.

"Well, I'm sure Hermione can figure it out," blurted Ron. "She'll enchant your broom, Harry, and you can propose to Ginny that way, and you'll be my brother-in-law."

"I was just asking hypothetically!" Harry lied, although he felt relieved as well as angry, because Hermione probably would be able to figure his father's spell out. "I haven't even _kissed_ Ginny yet, Ron, and you're already talking about us getting married?"

"You have too kissed," said Ron. "I _saw_ you."

"On the cheek, but not on the lips," Harry protested, wondering why he was arguing. In truth, he really _wanted_ to kiss Ginny, but the right moment had never seemed to come up. It was still a mystery to him why it was so easy to catch a Snitch or even to defeat the Dark Lord, and yet the hardest obstacle in his life was…girls. In essence, they were human beings, yet so difficult to understand. And worse than that, there were boys, like Sirius had been, who just _knew_ , who understood, who could have their pick of girls, and Harry did not belong to that group…

"Well, as long as you treat her right," Ron cut in, perhaps noticing Harry's defeated sort of expression. "She _is_ my sister, you know."

"Treat her right in our marriage, you mean?" said Harry sarcastically.

" _If we could get back to Lucy_ ," Sirius said loudly, not looking at either of them.

"Oh…right," said Ron.

"Sorry," said Harry.

"That's quite all right…" Sirius sighed. "So you two think it's a good idea?"

"Yeah, but I'd still wait to see what Hermione thinks," said Harry.

"Maybe she can help you think of a good proposal idea," Ron added, and Sirius nodded distractedly.

…

Hermione came back from her classes two hours later. (Ron had suggested Sirius surprise Hermione with a proposal as practice, but Sirius and Harry both had quickly shot that "idea" down.)

"What are you all so excited about?" Hermione smiled at them all and put her school bag down.

"SIRIUS IS GOING TO PROPOSE TO LUCY!" Ron hollered.

"Maybe!" Sirius corrected him hotly.

"You're going to _what?!"_ Hermione looked shocked.

"Propose!" said Ron. "Sirius is going to propose. Oh and—you have to help Harry too. You have to help him figure out a way to make his broomstick smoke—"

"What? Why?" said Hermione.

"Because he wants to propose to Ginny by making smoke signals in the sky!"

"RON!" Harry yelled.

"You can't propose to Ginny, Harry, you're only fourteen!" Hermione looked aghast.

"I'm _not_ proposing to her!" said Harry. "That's just what Ron thinks."

Ron started laughing hysterically, and Hermione looked at him in disgust. "Remind me again why I'm dating you?"

At her words, Ron stopped laughing. "Um, sorry, Hermione."

"Either way," said Hermione, rolling her eyes and sitting down, "this is an important matter. We need to think this through before you do anything, Sirius. Did you buy a ring for her?"

"Yes," said Sirius, showing Hermione the beautiful blue diamond.

"Good, it'll match her eyes," said Hermione approvingly. "Now…have you thought of a creative way to propose to her? You need to make it—"

"Special, I know," said Sirius. "That was what we all wanted to ask you."

"Hmm, well, my dad took my mom to France to propose," said Hermione. "It turns out he hired someone to play a violin, and a cameraman too. She loved it, and she still likes to watch the tape."

"Well, we're not going to France," said Sirius. "We're just moving into a flat together."

"When are we getting that flat, anyway?" asked Harry.

"Probably at the end of the school year," Sirius told him. "Until then, you can stay in Gryffindor Tower, and Lucy and I can stay in her teacher's quarters. We only need to rent the flat after school gets out. I suppose Lucy will go back to teaching in the fall, too…I wonder if we'll be married by then."

"I'm sure you will," said Hermione steadily. "We just have to think of an idea."

Sirius might have been about to say something more, but that was when Lucy climbed through the portrait hole. Sirius hurriedly shoved the ring box back into his pocket.

"Hello, all of you," she said. "What's going on?"

"Nothing much," said Hermione, glaring at Ron, because he looked like he was trying very hard to contain the Secret. Harry thought maybe Sirius shouldn't have told Ron about how he might propose.

That night, Harry dreamed it was him on the broomstick, proposing to Ginny, the way his father had to his mother. The smoke got out of control on the broomstick in just the same way, and Harry crashed to the ground, but when he landed, Ginny said yes. The stone was a ruby, just like the ruby necklace Ginny had worn to the wedding reception, and when she put it on, Evvy showed up and instantly turned her into a bride.


	30. Self-Confidence

The next day, Snape slept in a bit. Of course, he wasn't happy about losing his job, but there were some advantages of being unemployed. For the whole time until lunch, he didn't really know what to do with himself, and he decided that instead of eating at the High Table, or in his teacher's quarters, he would eat in his office. When he got there, though, he was surprised to find Evvy, who was grading papers while she munched on a sandwich.

"Evvy?" said Snape in surprise.

"I'm just grading papers," she told him. "I had to work straight through lunch—I don't know how you and Lucy do it all, Severus! I assigned this essay on the uses of bat blood in potions to my fourth years, and not one student has mentioned necpeurvomitum yet besides Hermione Granger…and I do hate taking points from the students…"

"I like taking points from students," said Snape. "Or, I _used_ to like it, before Dumbledore fired me."

"By the way, Sevykins, I had some important news for you," Evvy continued casually.

"Don't call me Sevykins!" Snape yelled, and Evvy laughed her high-pitched little-girlish giggle.

"Calm down, Severus." Evvy smirked. "I just wanted to tell you, I set up a double-date for you, Celeste, Sirius and Lucy."

"WHAT?!" Snape thundered.

"That way you'll be able to bond," Evvy explained patiently.

"We'll NEVER be able to bond!" Snape hollered. "I'll be happy to go on another date with Celeste, but why on Earth would I go on a double-date?"

"Come on, it'll be fun," Evvy said in a maddening singsong voice. "Besides, Celeste and Lucy already said they'd go."

"You talked to Celeste?" Snape said sharply.

"I came over to check on Charlene, and we got to talking." Evvy shrugged. "She really likes you, Sevs—and I think she'd get along really well with Lucy. I talked to her, of course, and she was cool with it. She thinks you're okay, you know, since you agreed to help with the trial. I mean, there wasn't a trial, but you said you would help if there was one, and that's what made her forgive you."

"Sirius Black and I will NEVER be friends," said Snape darkly. "I don't want to go on a double-date with him."

"You're not, you're going with Celeste," said Evvy.

"You know what I mean!"

"Come on, Sevs, what have you got to lose?" Evvy smirked. "Just let Lucy and Celeste bond. Meanwhile, I'm going to tell Sirius about the double-date. Weird, though—he's been a bit jumpy lately…"

…

"SIRIUS!" Evvy trilled as she entered the Gryffindor common room after classes ended that day.

"GAHHH!" Sirius had been looking at the ring again, and he hastily shoved it into his pocket. If Evvy saw it, she would definitely tell Lucy.

"There's no need to be so high-strung!" Evvy giggled. "I just had something rather important to tell you."

"Is it about Lucy?" Sirius blurted nervously. Yes, he would have to be very careful about what he said around Lucy's sister…

"As a matter of fact, it is," said Evvy, glancing sideways at him. "I've set up a double-date with you, Lucy, Severus, and his girlfriend."

"Snape has a _girlfriend?!"_ Sirius cried out in shock. "Who on Earth would date him?"

"She happens to be a very pretty, nice girl by the name of Celeste."

"Did you tell her she could do better?" Sirius said flatly.

"Now, that's not very nice, is it?" said Evvy. "Snape, Lucy and Celeste have already agreed to go on this double-date, so you basically have to say yes."

 _Say yes…say yes…_ Those words made Sirius think of the proposal. What if he proposed on the date? No, he couldn't possibly…that was too cliché…everybody proposed at restaurants. And besides, the date was probably on Saturday, and it was only Tuesday, and if he was going to propose, he wanted to do it before then.

"When is the date?" Sirius asked.

"This Saturday."

"I suppose I've got no choice, have I?" Sirius grouched. "Fine, I'll go on the stupid date."

"That's the spirit," said Evvy, patting him on the head, and left. As soon as she left, Sirius did what he had taken to doing all the time recently, which was examining the ring and thinking about how he was going to propose, and if Lucy would say yes, and what their wedding would be like. They would have it at Hogwarts, probably, like Snape almost did, and probably soon, before the school year ended, so they could already be married when they moved into the flat…

"Sirius?"

"Oh my God, Harry!" Sirius yelled. Harry had walked up behind him and put his hand on his shoulder gently, but everything startled him nowadays. "Don't sneak up on me like that!"

"Sorry," said Harry. "I-I see you're looking at that ring again."

"Yeah."

"It's a nice ring." Harry sat in the chair opposite from Sirius's, paused, then asked, "So what's up with you?"

"Evvy set up a double date with me, Lucy, Snape, and Snape's new girlfriend," Sirius said bitterly. "I forget what her name was."

"Snape has a _girlfriend?!"_

"That's what I said." Sirius rolled his eyes.

"Do you think he used the Romance Charm on this woman, too?" Harry asked.

"Meh…probably not." Sirius shook his head. "I think he's learned his lesson about that. I suppose she's just not quite right in the head. Or at least she has awful taste in men."

" _Horrible_ taste," Harry agreed, staring intently at the common room fire. After a pause, he added, "I'm not good at dating."

"You can't be _that_ bad," said Sirius. "I mean, you've got a girlfriend, haven't you?"

"Hermione set me and Ginny up last summer on a 'blind' date." Harry nodded. "But the relationship hasn't really moved forward as much as I'd hoped after that, and a lot of the time I'll say or do really stupid things…Sometimes I wonder if I was even ready to have a girlfriend in the first place—like should I have waited a couple years?"

"Well, not necessarily," Sirius replied. "You're a lot like James in many ways, Harry, but when it comes to girls, I think your problem is the opposite of what his was."

"My _dad_ had girl problems?" Harry's look of surprise seemed to strike Sirius as pretty funny.

"Oh yeah," he laughed. "You think your parents got together just like that? No, it wasn't easy for James to get Lily's attention. They didn't even get together until seventh year."

"Wow, I never knew that." Harry felt a bit better upon learning that his father had not been quite perfect with girls either. "But you said his problem was the opposite of mine?"

"That's right," said Sirius. "You don't have enough self-confidence, that's your problem. You're like Remus—the only reason he could never get a date was because he had zero self-confidence. That's still the case, unfortunately. And as great a person as your dad was, Lily seemed to think he had a bit too _much_ self-confidence."

"So you just analyze your friends' dating fails and then figure what they're doing wrong?" said Harry.

"No, but with most people you notice trends after a while," said Sirius lightly. "Either way, though, like I said—your problem is that you don't have any self-confidence. When I asked a girl out, I _always_ had self-confidence."

"I think my problem is that I don't understand how girls' brains work," Harry insisted. "Whenever I'd talk to a girl, Hermione would always pick it apart and tell me what I should have done, and by the time she was done explaining things—"

"You'd feel more confused than ever?"

"Yes," said Harry. "And she'd give me this look of pity, like I was some sort of wounded animal."

"Well, you might not want to get _all_ your dating advice from her alone," said Sirius. "I mean, no doubt she knows what she's talking about, but like you said, what sounds unbelievably simple to her sounds incredibly complicated to you. And you'd do well to not analyze every little thing that happened in a conversation with a girl. Too many teenagers do that. They'll pore over it in their minds all night long, combing through _every single little detail_ of a date or conversation or whatever, driving themselves crazy, and sometimes, in spite of all that, maybe not every little detail matters. Don't be that guy who stays up all night asking himself, 'But what did that MEAN?' It's unhealthy, I tell you. Never lose sleep over a date, there's lesson number one."

"After my first date with Ginny, I wondered what everything meant," Harry admitted. "I hardly slept at all the night after—or the night before, for that matter."

"Right, it's a date, not a mystery novel," said Sirius. "Not everything is some hidden clue that will reveal what's at the end. Of course, it was no mystery what was at the end of most of _my_ dates, but still…"

"So none of it means _anything?"_

"Did I say that?" said Sirius. "There's lots of subtle flirting girls do. I'm just saying you don't have to attempt to decipher her every move. Besides, flirting's fun, you'll see."

"Flirting is NOT fun," said Harry. "It's completely nerve-wracking."

"You just need self-confidence," Sirius repeated. "You get all nervous like that before a Quidditch game, too, don't you?"

"Yes, but that's diff—"

"No, it's not different," said Sirius. "Not at all."

"I'm not nervous as soon as I get in the air," Harry explained, "because I love flying so much."

"And someday, you won't be nervous around Ginny, because you'll have fallen in love," Sirius said calmly.

"But even you were nervous about proposing to Lucy!"

"That's because this is, so far, one of the biggest decisions of my life," Sirius told him. "This will change _everything_. It's a lot different than just a date."

"So you aren't nervous for your date on Saturday?" Harry asked.

"No, more like dreading it," Sirius grumped. "I've been on double dates, and you know what always happens on those, don't you?"

"What?"

"The women end up talking to each other instead of their dates, so the men just kind of end up sitting there." Sirius sighed. "I imagine if they dislike each other as much as Snape and I do, it will be nothing short of a double-dating disaster."

"Could we make it a triple-dating disaster?" Harry grinned. "I'll come with you, if you want. That'll probably make it less awful. Then when we get home, we can tell Ron and Hermione about it, and we'll all have a good laugh about how bad Snape is at dating, and how unfortunate that woman is to be with him."

"That sounds great," Sirius told him. "Snape will probably pay for himself and his girl—that is, if he has _any_ decency—and I'll pay for me, Lucy, you and Ginny, all right?"

"It's all right, I've got enough gold to—"

"I'll hear none of it," said Sirius. "Ginny's probably out of class by now, so ask her about the triple-date. What did I tell you?"

"Self-confidence?" said Harry weakly.

"That's right, you just need to have confidence in yourself," Sirius told him. "Enjoy the flirting."

…

"GINNY! Hey, Ginny!" Harry had spotted Ginny walking down a fifth-floor corridor with some of her third-year friends, and he was running to catch up with her.

"Slow down," she said jokingly, turning around and walking in his direction. "What's up?"

"I-I just wanted to know if…" _Remember, self-confidence_ …Harry stood up as tall as he could and tried to imagine Sirius, at his age, asking a girl out with self-confidence.

"Excuse me?" said Ginny.

"Would you like to go on a date with me this Saturday?" Harry smiled.

"Wow, we haven't been on a date in forever, unless you count the Yule Ball, and I don't, that was just some school-organized thing…" Ginny grinned. "This'll be great! Where are we going?"

"Actually, I don't know…" Harry had forgotten to ask Sirius where they were going, or even if he knew. Evvy was the one who had arranged things, after all.

"You don't know?"

"Well, it's a weird kind of date," Harry explained. "Evvy arranged for Sirius and Snape to take their girlfriends on a double-date—"

"Snape has a girlfriend?!"Ginny shrieked, so that her shocked voice echoed down the hall: _Snape has a girlfriend?! Snape has a girlfriend?!_

"That's what I said," Harry laughed. "Sirius, too."

"Gee, I wonder what's wrong with her," Ginny pondered. "She must be really desperate."

"Undoubtedly," said Harry. "But anyway, Sirius wanted to know if you and I could go on the double-date too and make it a triple-date. Don't worry about the bill."

"Well, I guess that might be fun," said Ginny. "Lucy will be there, after all, and maybe Snape's girl will be really nice. To…make up for the fact that she's a troll or something."

This time they both broke into laughter, and it was a while before they calmed down.

"I'll see you on Saturday, then?" Harry asked, cleaning his glasses on his uniform shirt.

"Sure." Ginny beamed.

Harry was about to turn around and leave, but that was when he got an idea in his head. Before he could stop himself, he put his hands on Ginny's shoulders, bent his knees just a bit and pressed his lips against hers for a couple of moments. When he let her go, Ginny's cheeks were a bit pink.

"Ooh, Harry, what's gotten into you?" she said flirtatiously, putting her arms on his shoulders.

"Just, you know, excited for our date, I guess." Harry shrugged.

"If you wanted a kiss, Harry, you should have asked," said Ginny slyly, her arms still around Harry's neck, standing up a little taller, pulling him in ever closer, until the space between their lips was finally gone…

Maybe kissing really wasn't so different from flying. Once Harry realized how much he loved it, he couldn't remember feeling nervous at all.


	31. Discussions

**AUTHOR'S NOTE: Woah, I'm sorry this is so late! I hope my readership hasn't left me…I've been busy on Deviant Art too and the summer session of school starts up again tomorrow (no, I didn't fail anything, I just want to get my degree sooner). For those who are still reading, I can't promise anything, but I will try to update more frequently!**

Snape showed up in Dumbledore's office right before lunch the next day. It was strange not having a job—by now, all the days were kind of starting to blend together. However, he did remember that today was Wednesday, and his big date with Celeste was this Saturday. That meant he had only four days to prepare, and only two if you didn't count today or Saturday.

"Yes, Severus?" asked Dumbledore, looking up from the papers on his desk.

"Headmaster, I would like to resume my teaching post as the Potions Master," Snape said shortly.

"You know what we discussed, Severus," Dumbledore said severely.

"I know, but I've been feeling—better—these days." Snape avoided Dumbledore's eyes, not keen on mentioning Celeste, but the Headmaster seemed to catch on nevertheless.

"You haven't found yourself another girlfriend, have you, Severus?" Dumbledore's eyes were twinkling.

"No, of course I haven't!" Snape snapped. "I just…I'm working on controlling my temper, that's all. It's got nothing to do with a girl!"

"I think it has," said Dumbledore knowingly. "But if you're sure, Severus, you may return to your teaching position this Monday, as long as you can learn to leave your feelings at the door, as the rest of us do. I will inform Evvy."

"Thank you, Headmaster," Snape said gratefully.

"By the way," said Dumbledore, "I managed to get your marriage annulled. You know, your almost-marriage to Lucy. I didn't mention that she wasn't doing it out of her own free will, though, since I didn't want to get you in trouble. I just said she left you at the altar."

"Well, it's technically true," Snape grumbled.

"I figured I'd better do the thing properly, so I told them she said she'd rather bump uglies with a convicted murderer, which is also technically true," Dumbledore continued, grinning. "They seemed to feel sorry for you."

"Yeah, well, I feel sorry for me too," Snape grouched. "Anyway, thanks for the teaching position…I'd better go to lunch."

"Good luck with the new bird, Sevs!" Dumbledore called. Snape felt a strong urge to flip him off, but wisely decided not to. When he got to the hallway, he ran into Sirius, which did little to improve his mood.

"Oh, hey," said Sirius. "Before you go, I've been meaning to tell you something."

"What?" Snape snapped.

"Harry and his girlfriend are coming with us on the double date," said Sirius.

"WHAT?!" Snape repeated angrily.

"They already said yes, so it's too late now," Sirius told him. "Besides, what do you care?"

"I DON'T WANT POTTER JOINING US ON OUR DATE!" Snape yelled.

"Shh! Shh!" Sirius said frantically, as passing students giggled and stared. "Great, just great, now there'll be rumors going around that we're a gay power couple or something."

"Not when everyone sees how you can't seem to keep it in your pants around Lucy," Snape jeered.

"Shut up!" Sirius said angrily. "You don't know anything about that!"

"Oh really? I know more than you think!" Snape said back wickedly. "I bet half of Lucy's salary goes to condoms. You really need those, don't—"

"I said, SHUT UP!" Sirius snarled, grabbing onto Snape's shoulders aggressively.

"No need to throttle me, Black," hissed Snape, bunching his hand around his wand. "I was just saying the truth."

"YOU STUPID GIT!" Sirius hollered. "YOU WOULDN'T KNOW THE TRUTH IF IT HIT YOU OVER THE HEAD!"

"What on EARTH is your problem?!" Snape demanded.

"Just get away from me!" Sirius let go of Snape in disgust and marched down the hallway. "I'll see you on Saturday!"

Snape rubbed his shoulders where Sirius had grabbed them and wondered, _What was THAT all about?_

…

It was around midnight. As usual, Harry, Ron, and Hermione were the last ones in the common room. They were sitting in front of the fire, reflecting on all that had happened during the day—not much, as it turns out, except that Neville Longbottom seemed to be improving extraordinarily quickly in Potions, and without Hermione's help. Perhaps Professor McGonagall was right—the only problem with his work was a lack of confidence, and Evvy was all too eager to help him improve.

"So, do you two want to hang out on Saturday?" Ron asked.

"Can't," said Harry. "I've got a date."

"Oh, good for you!" Hermione beamed. "Where are you and Ginny going?"

"Some restaurant in London," said Harry. "It's actually a triple date with Sirius, Lucy, Snape, and Snape's new girlfriend."

"Snape's got a _girlfriend?!"_ Ron and Hermione chimed.

"I know, I know," said Harry. "Crazy, isn't it? But yeah, he has. Sirius couldn't remember her name, but she's going with us on the date. Ginny figured she'd probably have to be a troll or something, to be desperate enough to date Snape."

"There's got to be somethingseriously wrong with her," Ron agreed.

"Not necessarily!" Hermione said reproachfully. "Maybe she just saw goodness in Snape."

"How can you see what's not there?" Ron said back, and Hermione glared, but then Ron said to Harry, "You do know what this means, though, don't you?"

"What?" said Harry.

"You get to witness Sirius go on a date," Ron told him. "That's got to be, like, Dating 101. I bet if you just do whatever he does, you'll become an expert."

"You're right!" said Harry happily. "I hadn't thought of that before!"

"It'll be like 'The Do's and Don'ts of Dating'," Ron laughed. "Get your Do's from Sirius, and your Don'ts from Snape."

"Sirius probably orchestrates his dates so that they'll end in sex, you know," Hermione pointed out.

"Well, at least his dates don't end in 'Yeah, I'm gonna go', before dessert," Ron protested.

"They do seem to be going at it a lot lately, though," Harry commented. "They're like teenagers."

"I'm sure it's just to make up for thirteen years of lost time," said Ron.

"Sirius told me the first time he did it was in school, though," Harry told him. "They met when he was a third year, but they broke up when he was a fifth year because she was graduating. So he must've been around _our_ age."

"That was very irresponsible," Hermione said strictly. "Condoms weren't very effective in the seventies. What if she'd gotten pregnant?"

"I guess they would've had to put it up for adoption," Harry replied. "I don't think either of them want a baby."

"Nah, they don't," Ron agreed, and Hermione frowned.


	32. Visit

"Congratulations."

Snape jumped when he heard Evvy's voice behind him on Thursday morning. As usual, he was eating breakfast in his dungeon office, preferring not to mingle with the students, three-fourths of whom he generally disliked, so early in the morning.

"What are you talking about?" Snape mumbled, through bites of his toast.

"Don't talk with food in your mouth, it's rude," said Evvy jokingly. "I'm talking about you getting your teaching job back. You're starting up again this Monday, aren't you?"

"Well…yes, but what are you so happy about?" asked Snape. "That means you're not the Potions Mistress anymore."

"I never wanted to _be_ the Potions Mistress." Evvy laughed. "Oh, sure, I like helping the students and all, but I'm planning on going back to St. Mungo's after my extended leave. I was originally supposed to just take a couple weeks off for Lucy's wedding, but I informed them of Charlene's pregnancy and they said they would sponsor me to stay here and take care of her."

"That's nice, I guess," said Snape.

"Anyway, after I'm done teaching this afternoon, would you like to visit her in Hogsmeade?" Evvy asked. "I thought I might, y'know, check up on the baby and all…"

Snape glared. "I know _exactly_ why you are inviting me to come along, Evelyn."

"Oh, like you don't miss her." Evvy giggled.

Snape didn't say anything, but the truth was, he _definitely_ missed Celeste. She was his very first thought in the morning, and his last at nightfall. Her oversized, innocent brown eyes entered his dreams. Could it be that Evvy had been right at Lucy's wedding—he wouldn't die alone?

…

Snape was anxiously waiting outside the dungeon classroom for Evvy to finish teaching Potions to a combination of Ravenclaw and Hufflepuff sixth-years. Snape had the impression that she tried not to favor the Hufflepuffs, because the Ravenclaws seemed cheerful too as they left her class, chattering away. Everyone always looked happy after they left Evvy's classes; Neville Longbottom would probably be devastated to find Snape back in the Potions classroom on Monday.

Evvy emerged last, humming to herself. She laughed when she noticed Snape waiting for her.

"Anxious to check up on the baby, I see," she said, rolling her eyes. Snape grunted in reply.

The two of them threw on their cloaks and scarves (Evvy's was black-and-yellow, while Snape's was silver-and-green) and headed down to Hogsmeade, then to Honeydukes. Charlene and Celeste lived in an apartment on top of the store, where Celeste worked part-time. Snape's hand was shaking, so Evvy was the one who knocked; the Potions Master was relieved to see that Charlene answered.

"Good afternoon," said Evvy. "How's the mom, baby and Aunt Celeste?"

"Well, Aunt Celeste is just _pining_ away for Uncle Sevs." Charlene smirked. "Aw, look at him blush."

"I am NOT blushing," Snape snapped. If he thought Evvy was irritating, Charlene was a nightmare. It was still very hard to see that she was pregnant—there was perhaps a very small bump by now, but as she was wearing a loose pink hoodie with purple tights, no difference was really visible yet.

"Well, hello," said a shy, quiet voice from somewhere out of their range of vision.

Snape's head swiveled around. There, standing in the doorway of the kitchenette, was Celeste. Her elbow-length, light-brown hair was loose, rather than in a ponytail as she usually wore it. She was wearing dark purple robes with lighter purple lining. Her smile, so big and sweet, wonderfully lit up her whole face.

"I figured we could all just sit and get to know each other a bit today," Evvy offered. "Please, Celeste, join us."

"Yeah, and I have to thank you for the necpuervomitum," Charlene added. "I feel great!"

"Hopefully you won't need it much longer," Evvy told her.

Charlene flopped down on the couch and stuck a piece of gum into her mouth. "So, uh, how're things?"

"Good!" Evvy grinned. "Looking forward to your date on Saturday?"

"Oh…yeah…" Celeste blushed and looked nervous.

"Celeste has been _totally_ freaking out," said Charlene, snapping her gum. Celeste glared. "I mean, I was like, it's just a date, y'know?"

"But it _is_ our first dinner date," said Snape. "I've never been on one of those."

"Me either," Celeste told him. There was silence, until Evvy finally broke it.

"So anyway, Charlene, you said you hail from New York?" the former Hufflepuff asked casually.

"I do," Charlene said proudly. "I'm from the Bronx, to be exact."

"What's your Quidditch team?" Evvy continued.

"New York Buzzards," Charlene replied promptly. "When you get right down to it, though, I don't really care as long as New York wins, y'know? But not everyone is like that, I mean, I had this friend who absolutely HATED our other home team, the Hummingbirds, and one time the Hummingbirds won the American Quidditch Championship, and we were walking through the store and every time we saw some Hummingbirds merchandise she'd say something like, 'I bet even if the Hummingbirds never win the Championship again, they'll still be still be selling Hummingbirds merchandise in stores one thousand years from now,' and it's just like, who cares, y'know?"

"I agree," said Evvy. "But some people can be stupid when it comes to their sports teams."

"Even the House teams," Snape said, and Evvy nodded. "Celeste…did they have Quidditch at Beauxbatons?"

"Sure, but I didn't play," said Celeste. "I always thought it was a bit dangerous. Like murder ball, I used to call it."

"Well, I played," Charlene told everyone proudly. "I played as a Beater for the Thunderbirds. Whacking those Bludger things is quite fun."

"I didn't play either," said Snape, smiling at Celeste. Most people, he didn't smile at, and it seemed to him that Celeste didn't really smile either, except for her it wasn't grumpiness, just shyness. But, as Snape had come to realize, that was one more thing they had in common—neither of them had been very popular in school, neither of them had ever been on a real date or been in a real relationship, and now he learned that neither of them had played Quidditch. They locked eyes from across the room, and Celeste once again flashed him the shy smile that nonetheless made her look ten times more beautiful.


	33. Grapefruits and Black Beans

After class on Thursday, Harry, Ron and Hermione climbed through the portrait hole to find Sirius and Lucy sitting in front of the common room fire. Sirius was eating a grapefruit without much enthusiasm, and Lucy was eating a can of black beans with a look of disgust on her face. On the table nearby there were vitamins (for her and him), a bowl of withered leafy greens that had been barely picked at, a carton of orange juice, a carton of milk, and half a loaf of grain bread.

"Too bad you already have food," said Ron. "We brought you some!"

"Bacon!" Sirius cried, jumping up and tossing the grapefruit aside so that it nearly hit Neville Longbottom upside the head. "Thank Merlin!"

Sirius had just shoved two slices into his mouth at once when Lucy snapped, "Sirius!"

"What's the matter?" asked Harry, noticing that Sirius looked rather guilty.

"You know what the matter is, Sirius," said Lucy strictly, her dark-blue eyes narrowed.

"Please, don't tell me I can't have bacon!" Sirius pleaded.

"No, you can't!" said Lucy. "Do you think I _like_ eating these black beans? I HATE black beans! You are NOT allowed to eat any junk food! And if you cared about this _DIET_ as much as I did, you wouldn't even be tempted, because the _DIET_ is IMPORTANT!"

"Diet?" said Ron curiously.

"Yes, I've decided to go on a diet," Lucy explained. "Sirius decided to do it also, to support me. I know what you're thinking, the last thing he needs is a diet…well, yes. But he'll be getting the nutrients he needs from all these fruits and vegetables."

Seeing the look on Sirius's face, Harry was forcefully reminded of Dudley's diet from last summer.

"Perhaps I will set these aside for now and eat some grain bread…" Lucy sighed and reached for one of the slices of bread. "Thanks for bringing us food, you three. Sirius, I'm sorry for yelling at you."

"Yes, and I'm sorry for eating the bacon," said Sirius in turn.

"Sirius can't even have a _little_ bacon?" Hermione asked shrewdly.

"Nope, can't risk it," Lucy told her.

"What do you mean, you can't risk it?" said Hermione suspiciously. "I thought you said he was only going on the diet to help you keep up your morale."

"Well, what I meant was…" Lucy looked nervous.

"She meant that if I eat junk food, I risk breaking her morale," Sirius said hurriedly.

"Yes!" Lucy smiled weakly, and picked up one of the vitamins. "Here, Siri, have a gummy vitamin instead. They don't taste so bad."

"Watch out, Lucy dear, that's one of yours," Sirius pointed out, shoving it away.

"What's the difference, anyway?" said Ron.

"Mine are full of testosterone," Sirius explained jokingly. "So if Lucy takes mine she'll grow a beard and her voice will drop an octave."

Lucy finally laughed at that. Harry was relieved, because she had been looking a bit tense.

"You aren't going to do what I did and smuggle cakes, are you, Sirius?" Harry asked as Lucy leaned over to get some milk.

"Nah…" Sirius sighed. "This is probably good for me. Grapefruit, you know…"

"The grapefruit that's now on the other side of the common room?" said Harry, trying to keep a straight face.

Sirius snorted with laughter. "Exactly."

The portrait hole opened again and Ginny climbed through. Harry felt his face heating up and his stomach jumped a bit. Their dinner date was this Saturday…and he had never been on a dinner date with her before. Their first date had been a butterbeer in Hogsmeade (arranged by Hermione), they'd gone to the Yule Ball together, and she'd danced with him at the wedding reception in that beautiful green dress he loved so much on her, but that had been pretty much it. After all, they had only been together since October, and it was January now. The prospect of the dinner date was inherently frightening and exciting at the same time.

"All right, Harry?" Ginny asked concernedly.

"W-What?" said Harry.

"You had this sort of pained look on your face," she told him.

"That…that grapefruit didn't agree with me," Harry blurted, and he pointed to the abandoned grapefruit, sitting by Neville.

"So you threw it across the room?" Ginny giggled.

"I guess." Harry frowned.

"Well, anyway, I just wanted to tell you all, they've started up the Dueling Club again," Ginny said brightly. "Remember, the one they had when I was a first-year? Isn't that great? Would you like to be my dueling partner, Harry?"

"Okay! How good are you?" Harry asked her.

"I figured I could try my Bat-Bogey Curse on you," Ginny replied airily.

Hermione laughed. "I suppose I could duel with Ron, then."

"What about you, Sirius?" said Harry. "Are you going to duel with Lucy?"

"Are you kidding?" said Sirius. "This is the perfect opportunity to duel with Snape. Lucy, you can probably duel with Evvy…"

"No, Evvy absolutely hates dueling, unless it's absolutely necessary," said Lucy. "She told me she prefers to bring life into this world, not take it out."

"You can duel with me after I take out Ron," said Hermione. "When are they starting this, Ginny?"

"They started today," Ginny replied. "I reckon we can have our duels tomorrow after school."

"Well, I can't wait!" Hermione exclaimed. "I'd love to duel with a former Auror."

"You'll get your chance," Lucy told her, "tomorrow afternoon."


	34. Dueling Day

**AUTHOR'S NOTE: There are a few of my own spells in this dueling chapter. Just a few; the others are canon.**

Friday afternoon, Harry had quickly been taken out by Ginny Weasley's Bat-Bogey Hex, just as she'd predicted; similarly, Ron had lost the duel when Hermione had hit him with a nasty Finger-Removing Jinx. While Sirius waited for Snape to arrive in the Great Hall, he dueled with Harry, while Ron dueled with Ginny. Hermione went on to duel with Lucy.

" _Expelliarmus!"_ shouted Harry, causing Sirius's wand to fly out of his hand.

"Oh, come on," said Sirius, walking over to pick it up again. "Don't go easy on me like that!"

"All right…"

By the time Snape entered the Great Hall, Harry was tied up in invisible ropes, Sirius was the suffererer a Knee-Reversing Hex, and Ron was stumbling around in the background with bats flying out of his nose. Sirius released Harry from the _Incarcerous_ spell, then pointed at his legs and said, " _Finite_." At his words, his knees switched back again.

"Not bad, Harry," said Sirius, grinning and walking over to Snape.

"Are you ready to duel, Black?" said Snape grimly.

"Always ready, Snape," Sirius replied. "Always ready."

Following proper dueling etiquette, the two bowed, although they each did it with pained expressions on their faces. Ron and Ginny cut off their duel and stood next to Harry. All three were watching intently.

" _Expelliarmus_ ," said Snape. Sirius's wand flew out of his hand for a second time, and he hastened to pick it up, hitting Snape with a Jelly-Legs Jinx. Sirius laughed and pointed as Snape fell over.

But Snape had a tight grip on his wand and hit Sirius with, _"Rictumsempra!"_

Sirius was still laughing now, but this time he couldn't control it—Snape had hit him with a Tickling Charm. It took a bit, but Sirius finally managed to gasp out, _"Finite!"_ and the tickling stopped.

" _Avamph!"_ Sirius shouted, and with a swish and flick movement of his wand, he had lifted Snape into the air and spun him around; Snape dropped to the ground and got up, but Sirius hit him with _Avamph_ once more.

" _Sectumsempra!"_ Snape yelled.

" _Protego!"_ Sirius shouted, deflecting the curse.

The spell rebounded on Snape, but he ducked; the flash of light hit a stone statue behind them, shattering it.

" _Fumiganus!"_ Sirius pointed his wand at Snape, who looked alarmed…and with good reason, as he appeared to be smoking.

"That's my dad's hex!" Harry whispered. "The one that makes things smoke, remember?"

"Clever," said Ginny. "Snape won't know the counter-hex."

"But Harry," said Ron, "didn't Sirius say your dad lost control of the—"

Before Ron finished his sentence, Snape shot up in the air, flying around the room and finally landing flat on his face. Sirius pointed his wand at Snape again: _"Fumiganus!"_

Sirius could hardly breathe for laughing as the spell repeated itself…but this time, when Snape landed, he was ready.

" _Confringo!"_ he bellowed, and the students gasped as Sirius was blasted into the wall. (By now almost everyone had stopped dueling to watch the two nemeses; only Hermione and Lucy remained, flying across the floor, covered in sweat, wands flashing so fast they were merely blurs.) Sirius attempted to get up but Snape said, " _Tarantellegra!"_

Sirius's feet were dancing, and he had to use _Finite_ again in order to stand up.

" _Furnunculus!"_ Sirius yelled at Snape, who now had boils all over his face. The crowd gasped yet again as Snape conjured a sword from midair.

"Oh no you don't!" said Sirius. _"Oppugno!"_

The sword slashed Snape in the side of the face at the command of Sirius's wand; with flashing black eyes, Snape attempted _Sectumsempra_ again. It barely missed Sirius, who dodged, but the flash of light hit the sleeve of his robes, singing it.

Sirius tried again: " _Fumiga_ —"

But he wasn't quick enough. Snape hollered, _"Silencio!"_ and Sirius clasped his hands around his throat; his voice was gone.

It was dueling as Harry and his friends had never seen it before. Snape had dropped his sword in order to conjure a bandage for his face; Sirius pointed his wand at the sword and banished it, then shot a jet of blue light at Snape, who blocked it; now they were going too fast for spells, just pointing their wands at each other. It was hard to keep up with what they used; Harry was sure he noticed a Jelly-Legs Jinx, another Knee-Reversing Hex, _Incarcerous_ and a Trip Jinx, among others.

Sirius had obviously used _Avamph_ on Snape again, because with a swish-and-flick of Sirius's wand up Snape went into the air again, spun around, then landed on the ground. But yet another gasp ensued as Snape dropped his wand and headed for Sirius, who (most likely) used _Impedimenta_ , but Snape just Disarmed him and next thing you know he had tackled Sirius back onto the ground.

Before long Sirius had Snape in a headlock and Snape was kicking and punching every part of Sirius he could find as their wands lay abandoned on the floor. Snape was screaming, and Sirius probably would have been too, but he still didn't have his voice. Snape sucked-punched him in the jaw and he tightened his headlock; but at the next thing Snape did, Sirius released his arms (although he was unaware of doing so)…and this time there was a bloodcurdling, painful scream, but it didn't come from Sirius.

It was from Lucy. Snape was standing up, laughing, and Sirius had apparently suffered a swift knee to the balls. His voice was still gone, but judging by the words he was mouthing, it was probably for the better. Lucy had abandoned her duel with Hermione and was running the length of the Great Hall as she burst into furious tears.

"HOW COULD YOU?!" she shrieked at Snape, pointing her wand at him; Snape yelled in pain and clapped his hands over his face. Lucy seemed to have used the Conjuncitivis Curse. "Sirius, are you all right?"

It was like watching a silent movie of someone screaming at the top of their voice; that was Sirius's response. Lucy was crying like a toddler having a tantrum as Snape stumbled around, fumbling for his wand, shouting for someone to perform the Counter-Curse. Harry and Ron ran up to Sirius, Ginny following close behind them, while Hermione ran to Lucy.

"Come on, Lucy," Hermione said kindly, taking her hand. "Let's take you to Madame Pomfrey for a Calming Drought. It'll be fine."

Lucy sobbed something unintelligible as Hermione led her out of the room.

"Come on, help me, Ron," said Harry, and the two of them hoisted Sirius up. It was only when they were on their way out of the Great Hall that Harry finally remembered to give Sirius back his voice. Sirius swore so badly, though, that he almost wished he hadn't.

"I won't be able to walk for a week now!" Sirius moaned.

"Hmm, I bet you could do with some ice cream," said Ron.

"Oh! Oh! I have some in my dorm!" said Ginny. "Which do you like, Sirius, chocolate or vanilla?"

"I'm not going to be _eating_ it," said Sirius pointedly.

"That stupid git Snape," Harry fumed as they continued their walk towards Gryffindor Tower. "That's not what dueling is supposed to be!"

"Why is it that Dueling Club _always_ ends with something like this?" Ron added. "Last time it was you and that snake, and now look what happened to poor Sirius. Well, don't worry, we're almost there."

As soon as the four of them got to Gryffindor Tower, Ginny rushed up the girls' staircase to grab the ice cream she had in her dorm, and Sirius, Harry and Ron sat in armchairs by the fire. The common room was pretty much deserted, since everybody was in the Great Hall at Dueling Club.

Hermione and Lucy entered the common room before Ginny came back down. Lucy seemed calmer, but she didn't look happier.

"Are you all right, Sirius?" she sniffed.

"Better," he told her, and held out one arm to her. "Come here."

Lucy hugged him back, and soon enough, Ginny came back down with the ice cream. They decided to talk about the triple date.

"Looking forward to it?" Ginny asked Harry.

"Of course," he told her nervously.

"And with any luck, Snape won't be able to get rid of those boils," Sirius said jokingly, and everyone laughed.


End file.
